Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Just Off the Wire

The AP reports that "Elder Bush Wants Jeb to Run for President."

So? Should we give a flying fuck what that gutless turd wants? Who made him the elector of Presidents?

Well, actually, over the last forty years Bush I has been obsessively making the connections and now he thinks he can pull the strings to get his less-retarded son into the race in 2008.

The time to stop this madness is now. This ain't a fucking monarchy and we don't need any House of Saud puppets ruling over our country. Let us commit henceforth to countering Jeb Bush every time he opens his mouth for the next 3 years. He is, after all, a liar and a thief, as evidenced by his conduct in the Florida recount of 2000, and furthermore he's a sniveling, pandering hypocrite who opposes abortion, supports the death penalty, but wants to keep dead people alive via artificial means. Jeb obviously doesn't think much, if at all, about his place within the Culture of Life.

Stop Jeb. BEFORE 2008.

Monday, May 30, 2005

What a Serious Guy

Click on the link and scroll to the bottom of the page. Is there a more inappropriate picture? Yahoo! News is busy scrubbing the site, so no telling how long the photo will be available. They already edited it once to take out the word "solemn" in the description, since the guy in the picture is anything but. What a fucking disgrace. I'm glad my kid didn't give his life so he could be laughed at on Memorial Day.

The Beacon of Hypocrisy

Shocking. Condolleezzaa Rice doesn't think an independent investigation into the torture of US detainees is needed. Why? Well, because the United States already has a free press and an independent Congress. That's correct, all you owners of brains out there: she said we don't need an independent investigation because, well, Congress and the press can do what they like. Don't change the subject, dummy. The question is one of accountability, something Rice--who got a promotion for allowing Al Qaida to attack New York City--clearly isn't qualified to talk about. What she is saying, in her usual not-too-bright way, is that the facts of Abu Graib, Guantanamo, and the rest of our torture factories and rape rooms will be known, but she doesn't want any crazy people, with their ideas about responsibility, trying to actually hold the administration responsible. That would be too much.
Besides, the US is "as open a society as you'll find" which means that, as long as we pretend to remedy one atrocity more than our buddies Saudi Arabia and Israel, we'll get to keep the title.

Yep, that Economy's Humming Right Along!

According to experts, it will cost you more to travel this summer than ever before. Why? Gas prices are outrageously high, of course. That's your War President--always working to get you the lowest price on a gallon of gas, so you stay fat and happy and docile! Good thing we secured Iraq's oil, or else gas would be $17 a gallon, right? Naturally, the oil that just happens to lie underneath Iraq was just incidental to our rationale for war--come to think of it, the grateful little towelheads insisted, yeah, that's right, insisted that we take it! Who's gonna say different?

So there you have it: the War President, who has fucked up the only thing he ever promised to do (hunt down the "turrists"--maybe I'm wrong and he actually meant "tourists" but his fake Texas accent made it sound like an idiot's pronunciation of "terrorists") is also no help when it comes to keeping gas prices low. Not surprising, since he also ran two oil companies into the ground. He is, after all, the only man who couldn't find oil in Texas.

But it gets better, summertime campers. It turns out that, despite the incredible, phenomenal, outstanding, amazing job growth from April that the White House was spewing about the other day, that the inflation continues. According to economists, EVERYTHING will cost too much this year, from charcoal for that stupid grill you're always trying to make "southern-style" short ribs on; to the bug repellant you use to chase away them "pesky critters" that, after all, were only around about 50 million years before humans; to the flip-flops you put into your bag before waddling your fat ass across the beach to your staked-out spot near the polluted, stinking sea.

If I were a vulgar Marxist, as Jamie would say, I'd be overjoyed. All this punishment heaped upon the working class must be building up their anger towards the ruling class, thus hastening the revolution, right? Right?

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Reaching Across the Aisle

. . . with an assertive, closed fist of morally justified blue-collar rage.

In a rare moment of alliance with the Christian religion, I'm gonna meet the theocrats on their own ground. Hat tip to the liberation theologians, I've found a verse in the Bible I can deal with:

Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you.
-Book of James, Chapter 5, verses 1-6.


Now tell me, who is the godless, vulgar Marxist? Ride that camel through the eye of the needle, rich boys!

Of the Culture of Life and Cognitive Dissonance

On Schaivo, Bush asserted that in such tricky ethical questions, we should err on the side of life. The House has voted in favor of stem-cell research (write your Reps and thank them – support is as important as dissent), and Bush promises to veto this act. How he reconciles this cognitive dissonance I do not know, but let's play Biology 101 and talk about stem cells.

First, stem cells are not derived from forced abortions of Christian babies. Scientists get them as necessary by-products of in vitro fertilization. Were they not used for bioresearch, they would be discarded (or frozen and unused for anything). So, no harm, no foul. This throwing away of stem cells, however, is overlooked by the theocrats – an important point raised by Ira Flatow on yesterday's TOTN Science Friday on NPR. Why the unjustifiable distinction here? Is it because, perhaps, a Manichean, Christian worldview can't account for grey areas and ethical subtlety?

If we follow the "all life is sacred and predetermined by god" argument of Bush et al to its logical conclusion, though, even a sperm or egg is sacred. This means that every woman of menstruating age commits spontaneous murder every month. While this fits well into the misogynist nonsense of Abrahamic religions, it causes the argument against stem cell research to crumble on its own warrant, and has no place whatsoever in our modern political discourse.

The Bush admin. claims a compromise in alloting for preexisting stem cell lines, as of Aug. 2001, to be used. But this ignores that the lines available are contaminated, as Carl Zimmer explains here. Compromise, my ass.

Meanwhile, Korean scientists (and let's acknowledge the prevalence of Xianity in South Korea), are pushing the stem cell envelope. Bush came to my college awhile back to talk about jobs. Responding to the shift of manufacturing jobs overseas, he spoke, in trademark hyperbole and bad grammar, of the potential of high-paying, highly skilled jobs in biotechnology. Why, then, does he oppose the foundation of these jobs? The community college system, I suppose, better start increasing their foreign language curriculum, since us future biologists will have to move overseas to do our life-saving, ethically based research.

It should come as no surprise that the radical faction of the Republican party in power is drawing its support from people who do, in fact, hate science, methodological naturalism, empiricism, and basically every advance in human thought in the last three centuries. From KS to PA to GA, we have the lying cancer of reformed creationism – Intelligent Design Creationism – making headway into our public school curriculum. The strategy of ID is to take a few examples of biochemical processes which evolutionary theory has yet to explain and build a supposed alternative "theory" to it, namely the idea that since we haven't figured it out, god did it. This is intellectual suicide, and in the global economy, the students subjected to this anti-intellectualism will suffer. Biological research is built around seeking the missing pieces of life's puzzle. The ID movement and the opponents of stem cell research – from which the theocrats draw support – seek to build ideas on, by definition, the missing pieces of the puzzle. This, as any freshman should be able to argue, is an argumentative fallacy - argument from incredulity. It should come as no surprise, then, that their ideas are complete, useless bullshit.

Friday, May 27, 2005


"Uh, Rev. Falwell...? We're over HERE."

There's a Joke in Here, Somewhere

So Viagra causes blindness in some people. And all this time we thought it was masturb--nah, my heart's just not in it. Being a bourgeois limp dick is depressing, but a blind bourgeois scumhole with a raging hard-on is doubly pitiful. I guess it could lead to some interesting encounters with hookers.

Republicans vs. Libertarians

Meow. Crazy One, meet Crazy Two.

Bill Frist Voted AGAINST Bolton...

...that is, before he voted for him.

Given the American public's sudden interest in how Senators vote (remember John Kerry!), even if they don't understand or care to understand anything about why they voted that way, I think the Democratic Party should send Bill Frist a nice consolation bouquet.

He did, after all, vote against cloture for John Bolton yesterday. Do you think anyone can tell the difference between a vote against cloture and a vote against Bolton? Democrats can't; they've been bitching that Mary Landrieu is a traitor because she voted for cloture. It's the same thing to them: vote for cloture = vote for Bolton. Given the likelihood of a party-line vote, it's probably true.

Reublicans don't know the difference either, I bet. They don't strike me as folks who appreciate little details, even factual ones that dramatically change the meaning of an event.

So there you have our new club to beat Frist with: he voted against John Bolton!

Thanks, Dr. Frist! And listen up, rightwing crackpots!

Just when You're about to Give Up

...along comes a retard Republican to make you feel better. Everytime I hear a flathead on a call-in show or read a comment by the slobbering little trolls on a message board I just start grinning like a fool. Maru has some choice selections over at WTF is it NOW?!? See if they don't do the trick for you, too.

Of course, it is a little scary that these people are totally wrong and that they are tearing their clothes over one relatively minor setback but actually seem to believe that it is part of a long chain of defeats for them. This suggests that they will only grow more extreme (and they as much as say so). I guess every day the United States isn't an actual gulag must be torture for these cuntfaced bitches.

Cavities have Silver Linings, Too

Do you suppose the Republicans will still cry impeachment for activist judges when every court in the land is presided over by a Republican nominee? It couldn't just be a slogan, could it?

Jesus, I Wish I was a Brit

Great article from yet another British newspaper that cuts through the bullshit like a black dildo between the President's ass cheeks. Fantastic. Is it too late to rejoin the Commonwealth?

An excerpt:
"President Bush's drive for absolute power has momentarily stalled. In a single coup, he planned to take over all the institutions of government. By crushing the traditions of the Senate he would pack the courts, especially the supreme court, with lockstep ideologues. Sheer force would prevail. But just as his blitzkrieg reached the outskirts of his objective, he was struck by a mutiny. Within the span of 24 hours he lost control not only of the Senate but temporarily of the House of Representatives, which was supposed to be regimented by unquestioned loyalty. Now he prepares to launch a counterattack - against the dissident elements of his own party."

WARNING: It's by Sidney Blumenthal, a recovering Clinton advisor.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

This Feels Like a Simpsons Episode

Stumbled upon this by accident a few days ago. Now what the fuck right do evangelical nutballs have to question anything I do?

From Associates for Scriptural Knowledge (full article there)
THE RAPTURE THEORY

"It may come as a surprise to many Christians, but the doctrine of the Rapture is not mentioned in any Christian writings, of which we have knowledge, until after the year 1830 A.D. Whether the early writers were Greek or Latin, Armenian or Coptic, Syrian or Ethiopian, English or German, orthodox or heretic, no one mentioned a syllable about it. Of course, those who feel the origin of the teaching is in the Bible would say that it only ceased being taught (for some unknown reason) at the close of the apostolic age only to reappear in 1830 A.D. But if the doctrine were so clearly stated in Scripture, it seems incredible that no one should have referred to it before the 19th century. This does not necessarily show that the teaching is wrong, but it does mean that thousands of eminent scholars who lived over a span of seventeen centuries (including some of the most astute of the "Christian Fathers" and those of the Reformation and post-Reformation periods) must be considered as prophetic dunces for not having understood so fundamental a teaching. We are not denigrating the doctrine in mentioning these historical facts. That is not our intention. But we do feel that the Foundation should show the historical problems associated with the teaching. This lapse of seventeen centuries when no one mentioned anything about it must be a serious obstacle to its reliability."

The News is Bad All Over America

Local news is what it is, and what it is is terrible. The city of Chicago, more than three million people, still receives a nightly news program that trades more in human interst stories than actual events. Granted, the news from around the globe is bad, but the human interest stories are equally maudlin--they're usually about terminally-ill children (no mention of exactly how little Jimmy got leukemia--could it be that plastics factory next to his Mommy's trailer? Hush, you fool! Talk about the teddy bear that a local fireman brought him!), the victims of outrageous fraud ("I thought it was a genuine offer...I mean, who wouldn't take advantage of a 3-for-1 hip replacement surgery??"), and people who died and had some really, really slim connection to the region.

It's this last one that needs further exploration. Just like in Charlotte, Virginia Beach, Gatlinburg, and other supposedly slow news towns, people in Chicago seem to eat up this shit about the guy who died in a freak accident yesterday who once rented an apartment in Skokie for three months. That's the whole story. Man lived here, briefly. Now he's dead. More at 11.

This was on TV this morning:
"Today Chicago remembers Brian Ettleson, who once had a forty-five minute layover at O'Hare Airport but is now passed away. Mr Ettleson died Monday at his home in Broward County, Florida, where he has lived his entire life. He contracted a rare skin disease while spearfishing off the Florida Keys and died before ever returning to Chicago. People at O'Hare who say they remember Ettleson recall that he was a quiet man who liked to do crossword puzzles and patronized the newstands here in the terminal while waiting patiently for his flight back home. He will be missed. No word yet on funeral arrangements. Back to you, Robin."

Better informed now, are we?

Reporter Almost Has Idea

This guy, Tom Noah, who apparently writes for Slate.com (you can spell that "p-u-s-s-y") has a beef with Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I do, too, as you'll soon see, but his analysis is so childish and so superficial that I think I have to share it with you. Go read it and then come back for my witty rejoinder.

I already published this as a comment on Fagistan, where I saw the original post (go there via the link at right and see the Other Josh's take on it). But this bears repeating. All you filibuster opponents out there, listen up: if you want to be convincing, come up with better arguments. This shit is weak and it will not fly. If you just want to be contrary for the sake of it, then go eat metal shavings--the United States can do without you.

Without further ado, I present my defense of Frank Capra:

"Having just watched the film today--oh mother of all coincidences--I can say that it is fresh in my mind. I must point out that Noah's analysis is fundamentally flawed in that he seems to think that the debate was over whether or not to build a dam; it was not. At issue was the graft that had bought Senator Paine and which would direct this vast moneymaking venture into the pockets of the Taylor machine, a group headed by a man who claimed to be his state's greatest benefactor because he could deliver pork-barrel projects like the Willet Creek Dam. That kind of boosterism still passes for public citizenship today, and thus I would argue that Capra's movie is still relevant today.

Capra's indictment is of machine politics as they survived in the 1930's--and if you think that's reactionary, pick up Lincoln Steffens' The Shame of the Cities from 1904 and you can read more of the same sentiments by someone whose progressive credentials are beyond question.

I would argue that it was precisely by making the object of the crooked politicians' ambition a dam--as you say, a seemingly progressive public works project at the time--that Capra means to suggest the ambiguity involved in the question of "right". There is never any doubt that Senator Smith will, if he succeeds, take away a pile of money from his state, as well as jobs and power (though you shouldn't read too much back into dam-building. Many were not sold on the idea then, either, and what Noah has said about the subject sounds a bit like school textbook reading).

But Stewart's character has a vision that will potentially benefit the entire nation by (and here's the reactionary part that Noah and you could have focused on, but didn't) returning them to nature and the simple, country life that "made our nation great."

Now that, as Smith would say, is hooey. And all the Jackson Lears', Larry Goodwins, and Howard Zinns in the world won't make it true--as you well know from your stated admiration of Hofstadter.

But the point, the point is that the filibuster is quite useful. Capra was filming a fairytale--the film is grotesquely exaggerated in every detail--but he wanted to show that one man, for complicated reasons, could stand up against all odds (and I mean "all", as literally every person in America turns against Smith at one point in the film) and fight the good fight. THAT moral, you might have noticed, WAS lost on the Democrats, who chose safety over principle in accepting the compromise. And, lest you think I am wavering, Smith's WAS a "good fight." It was an utopian scheme he was pushing, pastoral and silly and impossible (and, as I have said, backward-looking and shamefully Populist), and its realization required the cancellation of a big, important federal project. But, it was such a pure vision that it had to be fought for. That's it. It's a simple morality tale--and the dam, believe it or not, is really more of an afterthought.

That kind of thinking--big ideas and such--has largely faded from our political lifestyle. In the age of the New Deal, Capra seems to be offering a critique of the awesome power of the US government to throw around money and privilege, but not to rectify the simple evils of modern life. Have they been remedied yet? Noah might think so, if he thinks about that sort of thing at all. Why else would he see no place for idealism in the Senate? He seems a rather cynical fellow. Perhaps he should take Mr. Smith's words to heart about the press: "If you fellows spent half as much time trying to be right as you do trying to be smart..."

...in other words, I prefer a THINKING journalist over one who just wants to stick out from the bleating pack. Furthermore, and practically speaking, as Noah notes that filibusters have become uncommon due to the ability of majority leaders to count to 60 (as though simple math were a recent invention!), eliminating the filibuster based on this logic would create another, more ominous logic: the absence of any restraint whatsoever, no matter how theoretical, would mean that all policy decisions would effectively be decided on Election Day. If majority rule is what Noah wants--and plenty of "progressives" seem to have convinced themselves that majority somehow equals democracy--then that is what he would get. Everything would be a question of "when" not "if", as the party controlling Congress would have no reason to compromise or even tolerate discussion of its bills--merely push them out rapid-fire without any restraint whatsoever.

In short, Noah is a stupid man and he's making a stupid argument. He's not only wrong on the facts of the movie, but he's just plain wrong about the uses and purpose of the filibuster. His argument relies, too, on guilt by association (eg, Capra's character filibusters a bill, and racists used the filibuster against the Civil Rights Act, etc.), the last resort of a lazy mind. He never once mentioned all the truly vile measures kept OFF the Senate floor by threat of filibuster. I suppose that much research would have taken up too much of his time and he wouldn't have been able to write such a shallow if attention-grabbing column this week. It's not everyday, after all, that one can fill one's contractual obligations without having to do anything more than watch a two-hour classic movie.

By the way, anyone who has ever seen It's a Wonderful Life or You Can't Take It With You (did FDR not also strongly endorse America's business interests? You might as well argue that Capra was a communist!) knows that Capra was no reactionary. He was a moralist. His images reflected his times, and he always puzzled over the transition from the mythical, rural past to the Machine Age present. Wrong as he might have been, his was no great conspiracy to bring down American democracy."

Thank you and goodnight.

Moving On

Owen has been confirmed, 56-43. Walk it off.

Now they're onto the Bolton nomination. A few points of interest:
Harry Reid asked that debate on Bolton be extended past 6:30 tonight. I guess the Democrats are going to take a shot at this asshole.
Frist asked that one full hour of debate be allotted to Voinovich alone. Do you suppose he will finally find his balls and actually try to stop Bolton from fucking us all over royally?

If Bolton gets confirmed, we all have a problem. For one, I want to visit Europe someday and I don't particularly want to be spat on.

Grownups In Charge, Part II

Scott McClellan, the White House terrier, said last week that Newsweek's horrible, execrable, unforgivable story (which turned out to be true, by the way) caused the deaths of US allies in Afghanistan. Now, he was wrong at the time, which US puppet/ass clown Hamid Karzai pointed out. But, he stood by his statement.

Until now, that is. McClellan backed off the condemnations of Newsweek after virtually the entire United States showed off its collective ability to recall simple facts and pointed out that we wouldn't even BE in Afghanistan or Iraq if not for far greater lies coming from the White House. But Scotty also now denies he ever said that the Newsweek story caused any deaths in Afghanistan.

What. a. hack. Almost makes you miss Joe Lockhart, doesn't it? Now that guy could spin a lie and not make you feel like an asshole for listening to him. I mean, you knew he was lying, but he didn't take out his dick and slap you in the face with it while he was lying to you. I guess the WH press really loves the smell of McClellan's dick, or something.

Oh You Nutty Methodists!


"They never stop thinking about how to hurt America, and neither do we."

Funny--I thought only their leader was this stupid

Having always assumed that the Republicans in Washington were playing their own little chickenshit games on the taxpayer dole, I am surprised by the outpouring of anguish from rural, blue collar Republicans since yesterday. See, I never believed that ordinary Republicans were really supportive of the party leadership, just that the working people who voted for Frist and Bush and the rest of the retards were out of the loop or otherwise distracted with the everyday struggle to survive in Bush's shit economy (should have thought of that before the last election, Wyoming!).

But, judging by the call-ins to CSPAN over the last 36 hours or so, the rank-and-file Republicans are still trying to get the blood out of their eyes. They absolutely fucking hate the compromise which, of course and contrary to what other Lefties might want you to think, does not make it a good deal for Democrats.

This guy from Oklahoma (--"homo"?) called in yesterday to quiz some guy from the Congressional Record and he proceeded to lay out an indictment of the United States government and our Founding Fathers that was truly breathtaking. That guy really hates America. The argument was this (paraphrasing, obviously, since I don't have TiVo and, no, I do not yet live in the 21st century):
"Look, man, we had an election. We won. We control the House, Senate, and White House. How come we have to compromise? Getting 99% of what you want isn't enough--you have to get 100%. That's what the election means: you get everything you want!"

Karl Rove could not have said it better. These people, these Midwestern flathead retarded fucks have been thoroughly and completely indoctrinated by the GOP machine. They can spout the party line in a second and without a second thought. This is truly terrifying. Half our population has been brainwashed to the point that they don't even recognize democracy or fairness as ideals worth preserving. They want whatever the leadership wants, and they want it now. That guy in Oklahoma would kill you, me, or his own family if he thought it would accomplish the Republican Rapture.

What are we going to do about that little problem?

Texas gets a Comeuppance

Priscilla Owen is about 45 minutes away from being confirmed, but I feel no panic. Sure, she's a moron; and she's certainly a judicial activist who wouldn't know how to interpret the law if her life depended on it. But she's going to sit on an appeals court that oversees Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi.

They can all suck my ass. They shall now reap what they have helped to sow. Voting for Bush and the Republican New Freedom won't seem like such a hot idea when you're unable to get social services, prenatal care, a divorce, protections for your civil rights, or an impartial appeal for your death sentence, eh fuckers?

Just one thing more: when you realize what you've done and you want to get out of that hellhole, don't come to my state.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Joe Lieberman has got to Go

Old Joe, the page-porking hypocrite who is always looking for a way to snuggle up a little closer to his Republican friends, is up for re-election in 2006.

Let's help defeat him. I'm sure there are some worthy Democrats in Connecticut who would be honored to have his seat in the Senate and hey, who knows? they might even wash all the filth off of it that he has put there over the last twelve years.

I suggest we begin by writing to Old Joe to express our displeasure with the job he's been doing. C'mon guys, it only costs 37 cents and you'll finally get to ask him why he came down so hard on Clinton when he himself has been implicated in a Capitol affair or two. You'll also get to ask why he still supports the war in Iraq when even public opinion, that most brutish of masters, has turned against it--does he still want to suckle at the administration's teat? Of course he does!

Ask Joe why, if he's so damn pious, he's such a bad person. Ask him why his was one of the first voices urging retreat after the election of 2000 and again in 2004--elections, it turns out, the Democrats won.

Finally, ask Old Joe why he felt the need to circumvent Harry Reid, the leader of his party in the Senate, and broker a DOA compromise at the eleventh hour--a compromise he helped announce a mere five minutes before Reid's primetime speech in which he was to take a stand against Republican arrogance and malfeasance. Why did Joe Lieberman feel the need to make his leader look stupid?

The answer, though Lieberman won't give it to you, is that Joe Lieberman stands for NOTHING except his own advancement. He still thinks he can be President. He stood to benefit in 2000 no matter how the election turned out, and as a conservative Democrat (is such a thing really possible?) he already had a Senate seat in hand and huge name recognition leftover from the campaign. In 2004, he just wanted to get his face back on TV. With Iraq, insurance reform, television violence (he supports censorship of movies and music), and now the filibuster, he wants to stand out from his party and to appear as a compromise choice in the Senate. He is not a compromiser, however. Joe Lieberman is a sellout. He stands for nothing unless it can be turned into political capital; he is a pale imitation of a Republican who found a seat on the wrong side of the aisle. His commitments are as thin as tissue paper and when anything stronger than a breeze blows, he flies away with it.

We can't survive with more people like Lieberman. Let's begin immediately with the work it will take to bring him down.

Begin voicing your displeasure by writing or calling him in DC:

706 Hart Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
(202) 224-4041
Voice(202) 224-9750

Or CT:
One Constitution Plaza
7th Floor
Hartford, CT 06103
(860) 549-8463
Voice(800) 225-5605
In CT(860) 549-8478

Monday, May 23, 2005

Whew! Nice to Know the Grownups are In Charge

A mass email sent out by the Illinois GOP, in which the author calls Governor Rod Blagojevic "childish" and calls US Rep. Bobby Rush a thief, ends with this upshot: "274,000 JOBS CREATED IN APRIL.Jobs numbers were numbers were (sic) released today by the White House showing that for the twenty third month (sic) in a row there have been solid job gains showing (sic) that the President's economic policies are driving the growth. Illinois continues to fall behind in national averages. (White House Office of Communications 5/20/05)"

That is correct, kids: the White House wants you to know that, according to its press office, it is doing a bang-up job. And you know that MUST be true. Even if we ignore the three (at least!) grammatical errors in that blurb, we must still be suspicious of this report.

Why? Well, for one thing the number, 274,000 jobs, isn't actually representative of anything. The actual number of newly-employed in April was 598,000 (a number any good Republican stooge will recite if given the chance). So isn't that even better? You tell me: unemployment was unchanged last month despite the incredible, phenomenal, unprecedented gains the White House wants you to be aware of. Experts agree that layoffs show no signs of slowing. The economy is not, repeat not, recovered. Why does the US economy hate America?

But, as long as the grownups are in charge, we're free to fantasize all we want about the days of wine and roses that must be right around the corner.

This Explains No Child Left Behind

Laura Bush wrote a short note in the visitor's book of the Holocaust museum in Jerusalem while on her two-hour tour of the Holy Land May 22. It says: "Each life is precious. Each memory calls us to action to honor those lost. We committ (sic) ourselves to reject hatred and to teach tolerance and live in peace.''

See the link.

I guess Laura the teacher isn't such a great role model, huh? Unless, of course, you want to learn how to kill someone with your car and get away with it.
Can anyone explain why the administration thinks it's doing the world such a big fucking favor by sending that whore around to grace the little brown people with her presence?

I Believe Everything I Read

Now this story is just plain stupid, but I have no doubt it will be first on the news tonight. It concerns an audit of New York's Medicaid program that revealed that more than 100 sex offenders were able to get Viagra through the state program.

The problem, of course, is that Medicaid is too generous and should be cut to the bone to prevent all poor people from getting most prescriptions filled at a low cost.

No, wait. That doesn't seem right. It might be, in fact, that Medicaid shouldn't cover a middle class drug like Viagra which was invented, I seem to recall, so that white guys with lots of money but limp dicks could get it up on the weekends. (NO, stupid bitches of the world, birth control is not covered in most cases, but Viagra is! See how women's liberation worked and the patriarchy is dead? Who needs women's history classes or Planned Parenthood?)

It also may be that NY state ought to monitor its sex offenders a little more closely--as in, as I suggested before, never letting them out of treatment programs (ie, lifetime incarceration, albeit not in a penitentiary).

But no, dear, simple readers. The Associated Press doesn't want to miss its midmorning coffee break, so there will be no critical thinking today. Medicaid is to blame, so let's do away with it! Hooray for the death of reason!

And There It Goes

Ooops. Guess the goverment censor didn't like that Tillman story (see below for more): it's been taken off of Yahoo! News already, a mere three hours after it was posted. That's OK. Anybody who wanted to read it could have, provided they live on the east coast and read real fast.

Good work, whores!

Ah'm Just a Plain-Spoke 'Murican

'Muricans the world over (hey, everbuddy's a 'Murican at heart, ain't they? Ah mean, ain't we jus' fightin' wars to help release the inner 'Murican inside all of them brown people overseas? 'Stead a' callin' em' "bulletholes" we oughta call 'em "'Murica tryin' to get out holes") is realizin' the value of our plain-spoken ways. They got to see a shinin' example of it t'other day when Laura Bush, our very own K-Mart Jackie O., done such a good job of communicatin' with them sand nigg---uh, I mean, our friends in Israel and Palustine.

Or how 'bout last week when Senatur Norm Coleman took it to that British feller? The Yurpean, Galloway, thought he could come over here with a accent and his fancy talk and just take over. Well this:

"I told the world that Iraq, contrary to your claims, did not have weapons of mass destruction. I told the world, contrary to your claims, that Iraq had no connection to al Qaeda. I told the world, contrary to your claims, that Iraq had no connection to the atrocity on 9/11, 2001.
Senator, in everything I said about Iraq, I turned out to be right and you turned out to be wrong. And 100,000 people have paid with their lives -- 1,600 of them American soldiers sent to their deaths on a pack of lies, 15,000 of them wounded, many of them disabled forever, on a pack of lies."

And this:

"I met with Saddam Hussein exactly as many times as Donald Rumsfeld has met with him. The difference is Donald Rumsfeld met him to sell him guns and give him maps. I met him to try and bring about an end to sanctions, suffering and war, and on the second occasion, I met him to try and persuade him to allow Hans Blix and U.N. inspectors back into country."

And this:

"In these circumstances, knowing what the world knows about how you treat prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison, in Bagram Air Base [Afghanistan], in Guantanamo Bay -- including, if I may say, British citizens being held in those places -- I'm not sure how much credibility anyone would put on anything you manage to get from a prisoner in those circumstances."

Is just a bunch of jaw-flappin' nonsense, if you ask me. I cain't make heads ur tails of it, 'cause that feller done fucked up all that syntax n' wordology and stuff.

But Senatur Coleman's statement, now that was a specimen of high clarity. I unnerstood ever damn word:

"Uh....Uh....Now, hold on a minute, I, uh....uh...."

Yeah, that there is eloquence of the sort any real 'Murican can 'preciate.

John Kerry Rebukes Cheats and Liars

Below are selected comments from Kerry's May 19 speech in the Senate in which he handed Bill Frist his ass on a platter.

"...And I think there would be more outrage if the value of truth had not been so diminished by this Administration. We have a budget that comes trillions short of counting every dollar we plan to spend. We had a Medicare actuary forced to fudge the numbers and lie to Congress to keep his job. We had falsified numbers in Iraq on everything from the cost of the war to the number of trained Iraqi troops to a “slam dunk” case for weapons of mass destruction. We have an Administration that continues to want to fund fake newscasts to mislead people all across America....

The new view says if you don’t like the facts, just change them; if you can’t win playing by the rules, just rewrite them. The new view says if you can’t win a debate on the strength of your argument, demonize your opponents. The new view says it’s okay to ignore the overwhelming public interest as long as you can get away with it.

And this time the Republican leadership has gone farthest of all to get away with it, hoping to convince Americans that by breaking the Senate rules they are acting to defend the Constitution, honor the words of our Founding Fathers, and avert a judicial crisis....

Benjamin Franklin was so concerned about ceding excessive power to the executive that he advocated that nominations originate in the Senate. He was not alone. At our Constitutional Convention the process for appointments was one of the last and most difficult accords reached by our Founding Fathers.

And it did not take long before the new Congress exercised its Constitutional powers. In 1795, Senators who were friends and colleagues of the founders themselves, and who surely knew their intent, defeated George Washington’s nomination of John Rutledge to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court....

This resounding rejection of George Washington, our revolutionary leader, helped seal the death of monarchy in this country. The genius of empowering the Senate and the minority was that, by limiting the executive, the Senate legitimized the executive. So when I hear my colleagues arguing that the Constitution mandates that the will of the majority always trump the minority, I don’t hear the wisdom of our Founding Fathers – I hear the same blind activism that characterizes the judges they intend to force on the federal bench. The actions of some Senators come closer to rewriting the Constitution than defending it....

These rules were not created by the Democratic Party when George Bush was elected. The filibuster was used as early as 1790 when Senators from Virginia and South Carolina filibustered against a bill to locate the first Congress in Philadelphia. That was a filibuster of one, because in 1790 unanimous consent was needed to end debate. Think about that. Those legislators, who were friends and even founders themselves, permitted a filibuster of one. Knowing that, today’s activist arguments buckle under the weight of history.

The unfortunate truth is that some Senators have fashioned themselves activist legal scholars, using a false reading of the Constitution to paint their opponents as obstructionists while pursuing their political agenda at the expense of our democracy. I think some of my colleagues forget the Senate was designed specifically to be a moderating check on the President, not a rubberstamp for executive will....

We have also been accused of unprecedented acts with respect to these (judicial) nominations. Surely my colleagues have not forgotten that 69 of President Clinton’s judges were buried in Committee. Was it fair? Maybe not. Did you hear the minority hiding behind mythical constitutional values in a short-sighted attempt to break the rules? Of course not.

The Majority Leader himself has voted to filibuster a nominee, yet now he tells us he is moved by deeply held Constitutional principles.

President Johnson’s nominee to Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Abe Fortas, was defeated in a filibuster. Tennessee Republican Howard Baker articulated the minority’s position, saying, “The majority is not always right all of the time. And it is clear and predictable that the people of America, in their compassionate wisdom, require the protection of the rights of the minority as well as the implementation of the will of the majority.”....

In 1937, President Roosevelt attempted a court-packing scheme to assert his influence on the courts. His own party said no. Thomas Jefferson once attempted to impeach a Supreme Court Justice who disagreed with his political agenda. His own party said no....

Recent predecessors of Senate Republicans have repeatedly urged respect for this legacy. Former Republican Senate Majority Leader Howard Baker said destroying the right to filibuster “would topple one of the pillars of American Democracy: the protection of minority rights from majority rule.” Former Republican Senator Charles Mathias said, “The Senate is not a parliamentary speedway. Nor should it be.” Former Republican Senator Bill Armstrong said, “Having served in the majority and in the minority, I know it’s worthwhile to have the minority empowered. As a conservative, I think there is a value to having a constraint on the majority.” ....

Our Founding Fathers would shudder to see how easily forces outside the mainstream now seem to effortlessly push some Senate leaders toward conduct the American people don't want from their elected leaders: Abusing power. Inserting the government into our private lives. Injecting religion into debates about public policy. Jumping through hoops to ingratiate themselves to their party’s base, while step by step, day by day, real problems that keep American families up at night fall by the wayside here in Washington.

Congress, Washington, and our democracy itself are being tested. We each have to ask ourselves, will we let this continue? To those in this chamber who have reservations about the choices their leadership has made, and who worry about the possible repercussions on our Constitution and democracy, look at history and find the courage to do what’s right. History has always remembered those who are courageous, and will remember the courageous few who lived up to their responsibility and spoke truth to power when the Senate was tested – so that power did not go unchecked."


Now, watch CSPAN2 tomorrow to see gutless Republicans line up to lick the president's boots. All the pretty words in the world can't change the mind of a drone. Civil war, here we come!

Shameless Whores

Pat Tillman's family is apparently upset over being lied to by the Army about the circumstances of their son's death (wait--you mean the Army LIES? Amazing!). Read this article from the AP and note how it's somehow relevant that his parents are divorced (wasn't too relevant when they were still on the team and doing TV interviews about their son the mythic "hero"); notice as well that the writer has put the word "lies"--as in, "They say the Army's "lies" about what happened have made them suspicious"--in quotation marks, as though it's somehow debatable whether the Army lied about it or not.

Well, I guess if you don't see any difference between dying from enemy fire while "storming a hill in Afghanistan, barking orders to his fellow soldiers" and being "shot several times by other Rangers as he got into position to defend them" then the Army isn't lying.

As I wrote at the time this happened: the Tillman story is and always has been a string of lies. The guy as much as volunteered to be a patsy and a tool the minute he joined up. The circumstances of his death were and are irrelevant; we, the American people, will be expected to remember him as someone who died leaping a tall building in a single bound while catching a bullet in his teeth and rescuing seventy Afghani children from a burning mosque. The problem isn't with the Army, which doesn't write the scripts for the war(s) on terrorism.

In Other Army News...

Have you seen the commercial for the Army Reserve where the kid and his dad are playing pool? The dad, off-screen, says angrily, "It's the Army." His son, looking every bit like an 18-year old knucklehead, rejoinders with this little gem: "No, dad, it's the Army Reserve. I'd still get to go to college and..."

Stop! Cut!

Hey, dumbass! The Reserve is too the "Army". That's why it has the word "Army" in it! The Air National Guard may not be the Air Force (no matter what Bush's resume says), but neither does it claim to be. It isn't called the "Air Force National Guard," after all. But the "Army Reserve" is exactly what it says it is...
AND YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE RETARDED TO JOIN THE RESERVES DURING WARTIME. DON'T YOU WATCH THE NEWS?!?

Yeah, I don't either. But I know enough not to join the Army under the illusion that, magically, I won't have to go to the war that everybody else is fighting.

Back to the commercial: "It's still the Army," says dad, exasperated with his son's inability to comprehend simple facts (but perhaps beginning to think that his idiot son might be ideally suited for the service).
"No, dad," says Junior. "They would train me around here until they need me, so it'll be like I never left."
"Good training?" says dad, clearly anticipating cashing that death benefit check he will be getting about two months after Junior ships off for Iraq.
"Well, yeah," says the boy with a snide tone in his voice. "...It's the Army."

Take that, dad! You dumb shit!

So what can we gather from this ad? The Army, run by a bunch of grown up jerkoffs, wants you to think it's the answer to mom and dad's questions about your intelligence. Prove to the folks that you're all grown up, too: do the most stupid thing you can think of. First, tell them that the Reserve isn't the "real" Army, because they'll send you to college (like the Army doesn't?) and give you second-rate, local training from a bunch of middle-aged part-timers who missed out on Vietnam. THAT'LL get you ready for combat! At least your lousy training will make you less of a problem once you get to Iraq. After all, you won't know that you're supposed to have a flak jacket and working equipment--Army Reservists don't even sniff real equipment while in training.

After you've established that the Reserve isn't the "real" Army, turn around and tell mom and pop that they needn't worry about you once you're taken off to the desert adventure, because for some unknown reason the "real" Army will train you and look out for you over there. Just like it did Pat Tillman. Apparently, the "real" Army, just out of the goodness of its heart, goes out of its way to help Army Reservists. Me believe that. Give me pen. Me want to sign up now.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

There but for the Grace

Jesus Christ, recovering addicts are depressing. And talky.

The essence of rehabilitation is to replace one obsession with another. Hence, "born-again" 'tards where perfectly good criminals used to be; maniacal coffee drinkers at AA meetings; workaholic ex-smokers; Promise Keepers in the place of delinquents.

But, fuck all. Of the masses of pathetically addicted people out there--junkies, drunks, and all the rest--would you prefer them before or after the intervention? Post-cure, they turn serious. There are no longer any permitted jokes; no theoretics either. Everything is lived experience from then on, with a special emphasis on their needs and well-being, and since you ain't the recovered smack addict and therefore you don't have the experience, that makes them the expert on everything.

Really, it's insufferable. Try it sometime if you think I'm just saying it. Talking to them is a chore--no, actually it's more like torture. And they will attempt to turn the conversation into a rebuke of your bad habits, or else they will go on and on (and on) about the new hobby/psychosis that keeps their mind off the sweet, sweet poison they used to need to live.

So there you have the choice: likeable but dying OR repellant but alive.

Questions that have No Answer

1. When did the US Army become synonymous with America? Why is it that the highest form of patriotism that conservatives and the media can conceive of involves letting yourself be mindfucked by a drill sergeant?

2. Who came up with the idea that calling someone a "communist" would shut them up? In the same vein, what exactly does "love it or leave it" mean? Who is the arbiter of what is truly "American" and doesn't our superiority stem from our love of dissenters?

3. Why are all Republicans such enormous pussies? And why are so many of them so gay?

Bring It On

CSPAN2 Update:
John Kerry is up right now and he is taking the Republicans to the woodshed. I don't know what the fags on the Right are going to do, but they can't have much ammo against these kinds of attacks (ie, fact-filled arguments). I'm going to get a transcript of this and post it. He's really mad and he's pointing fingers and swinging at everyone he can think of. It's truly awesome. Where did this guy come from?

Now he's arguing that the Senate has always functioned as a club, in which backroom deals are the norm and mutually assured destruction has always prevented such an unthinkable act as the "nuclear option." What a great fucking argument--he's taken the veneer off this "game" the Republicans are playing. Sweet.

Many have blamed Kerry for his loss last November, saying that he ran a poor campaign and was too aloof, missed his opportunities, etc., etc.

Bullshit. If, in the absence of massive voter fraud, Kerry had won, Josh Marshall, DailyKos, and the rest of the whiny Left would now be praising his "shrewd" and "understated" tactics. Remember that the same bullshit the lefties are feeding us now was said about Al Gore, and he actually WON.

Attack the Republicans, assholes. Not yourselves.

Being Amoral has Become a Sin

Ha! Read the blog and then come back. Nothing below will make any sense if you don't.

Anyway, this fellow has a very simple way of looking at the world: everything's a lark, and everyone's fair game. Do you guess he's a libertarian? Who will keep order? Guns, that's who. Should people be allowed to use drugs whenever they want to? Sure! And give 'em some guns, too! What about God? Well, He probably approves of all this because...because...well because I say so! No further thought required!

And by the way, if you want to argue against a fucking nutball notion like the idea that women DON'T control their own bodies, you have to go find a completely rational and intelligent person who believes that and debate him. In other words, you have to do your best to find someone who will defeat you in the argument, then it'll be fair! If, of course, there are no rational nutballs to be found (have YOU ever met an opponent of abortion who could keep his--and it's almost always a "him"--lid on for more than a few seconds??), then get one of the crazy ones and just don't argue with anything he says, no matter how crazy! That's called the "CNN Tactic"!

Now back to our cheerfully amoral blogger. The problem with these fucking assholes, if I may be serious for one moment, is that they seem to conceive of the world as being static and ironic. Nothing is ever going to change for real, they suggest, and so we can just enjoy the ride, victimizing others as we go--hey, they can always victimize us right back! Apparently, enjoying the ride entails going on one goof after another, forever, and never moving beyond the adolescent stage of development. Hitting people with rolled-up newspapers and videotaping it? Hilarious! Pulling out a gun and shooting the kids with the newspapers? Equally hilarious! Being tried for murder? Hilar--hey wait a minute! That would never happen! This is my bizarro fantasy and I get to make the rules! And then, see, you have to indulge me and pretend that I'm real funny and witty and all. It works out great! For me!

Being amoral is not funny. In fact, it's a crime. And, in these times, it's harmful to the rest of us. Look, dipshit: most of us are smart enough to realize when we're being fucked with. Most of us know that what are fuzzy concepts to dumbasses like you, like "politics" and "power" and "life" and "death," are actually VERY important ideas to wrap your head around. Thus, we are political. We take a side and fight for our self-preservation. Morons like you sit around and watch "Jackass" and "Crank Yankers" and live in a fantasy land. What's worse, you apparently are incapable of overcoming your self-made handicap (that is, you have turned off your brain). I am unsure whether you qualify, then, as a liabilty or merely as ballast. I suggest that you go ahead and get that gun, take a long suck on the barrel, and pull the trigger.

How do your Cheerios taste now, shithead?

Please Help

Those poor Republicans. They didn't win every single office in the last election, so now we, the American people, are charged with making sure that an endless string of recounts and disqualifications of--ahem!--"voters of the wrong kind" puts the Republicans into their rightful, ordained by God positions as the Kings...uh, I mean, as our political leaders.

Thus, I got an email from my dear friends at the GOP entitled "Voter Fraud Alert":


"May 17, 2005
Dear josh,
More and more reports are emerging of the extent to which Democrats were willing to go to try to influence the 2004 election.
Well, their tactics worked in Washington State.
Our Republican candidate for Governor, Dino Rossi, actually won the election. Then he won the recount.
Then Democrat-controlled King County "found" 566 new votes just in time for the second recount, enough to overturn the results of Election Day and the first recount.
The new result? Dino Rossi "lost" by 129 votes. But consider the following facts in Washington state;
943 felons illegally voted
49 dead people voted
3 people voted in Washington and another state
2 illegal aliens voted
12 people voted multiple times
174 provisional votes were counted but later found to be cast people who had already voted or were unregistered
Also, at least another 1,600 ballots are still in question:
875 more absentee votes were cast in King County than there were absentee voters
95 more ballots in King County and 50 ballots in Whitman County were "found" after both recounts, and have never been counted
At least 660 provisional ballots were improperly counted in King County.
Dino Rossi is fighting, and voters of good conscience from across this country should stand with him. For more info on Dino Rossi and his ongoing fight, please go to www.dinorossi.com.
Sincerely,
Michael DuHaime
RNC Political Director"

Michael DuHaime, by the way, promised to deliver Pennsylvania to Bush last election by getting out the vote. Apparently, he was just as successful in Washington.

I find it interesting that the whining babies at the GOP can ask people to stir up trouble over a tiny little gubernatorial election in one of our most irrelevant states but can't be troubled to look into mounting evidence that the 2004 presidential election was rigged for the smirking retard.

Gee, why is that?

More to the point, why would the GOP want to open up a can of worms that could potentially bring their own malfeasance to light? It just seems, what's the word, "stupid". Of course, Republicans ARE stupid, but usually not this much. Maybe they actually believe their own lies and think they're entitled to get their way regardless of the clear double standard they're pushing in the process. We already know they don't like to answer questions (not from peasants, anyway, and the Bush economy is making sure that we're all going to be peasants pretty soon).

There is a bright side to this one, though: the powers that be in the GOP are in a sweat over losing small state and local elections. In the 1980s, the Republicans built their movement through winning elections to school boards, county commissions, and mayor's offices. They are now losing their grip on the state and local levels and are simultaneously losing their shit because the foolish and ignorant no longer respond to the rhetoric of the crazy Right. Or, for that matter, the moderate Right. For as much shit as is heaped upon the lower classes for their supposed blind allegiance to conservative causes, it appears that the "simple folk" have figured out this much: the President is a Republican. He has fucked over the working class (it isn't even a question of class consciousness, though, so much as "he has fucked me over"). We must not vote for Republicans.

Watch and see.

Filibuster Speechifyin'

Check out CSPAN or CSPAN2 (if you're like me and you have no job to go to during the day) for live coverage of the Democratic Party trying to do what it ought to do every day: hand the other side its ass.

Yesterday's highlight was Killer Kennedy reading down the list of civil rights abuses and just plain misreadings (if they read it at all) of the law by Bush's judicial nominees. He had quotes, he had charts and graphs, he had newspaper articles from rightwing papers in Texas--he even had Alberto "Alligator Clip" Gonzales saying a few years back that his fellow Texas Supreme Court justice and current nominee, Priscilla Owen, was a terrible adjudicator and couldn't understand simple concepts like "interpreting the law." Apparently, Gonzales felt that Owen often engaged in "unconscionable acts of judicial activism" (direct quote) all the time on the bench.

So, Mr. President (you dicksucking Yale fratfag), why exactly did you nominate someone who has made a career out of the kind of "activism" you claim to find so distasteful in liberal judges? Bearing in mind, of course, that you haven't actually come up with a single case of a liberal judge substituting his own opinion for the law--yet the Democrats barely had to scratch the surface of your prized nominee to find that other batshit crazy Republicans denounce her for doing so!


One programming note to the side of justice and light: don't follow a good speaker, like Kennedy, with a stuttering retard, like Max Baucus. His classical-influenced speech was only five minutes long (let's waste some time here, eh?) and it made very little sense. Plus, you're on PUBLIC TV, there, Max. Even I, who love Greek mythology and enjoy a discussion of Plato from time-to-time, thought it was boring and elitist. Imagine what others thought. Doofus.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

We Lose Again

Once more the nutless wonders in the Senate have let me down. Sending Bolton's nomination to the floor "without recommendation" is utterly symbolic and meaningless. Ooooooooooh, the scary Democrats made an empty threat...oooooooohhhhh!!!

If Bolton is confirmed (and why wouldn't he be? This will clearly be a party line vote and the White House has plenty of ass-licking toadies lined up to vote "yes"), where does that leave us? I don't want to hear any more of this "well, Josh, we'll have a powerful piece of information to use in the 2006 elections" bullshit. You think people care about anything that happened more than five minutes ago? Did they care about Iraq last November? Did they care about the cocaine and drunk driving in 2000? Do they care about the UK memo now??! Well, egghead, DO THEY?!

The time to stop this fuckhead was in committee. The time is past. Move on to the next futile, halfhearted confrontation, kiddies.

You bunch of disgusting cowards.

FOLLOWING IS MY REPLY TO POSTS AT AMERICABLOG ON THE BOLTON VOTE, PARTICULARLY THE ONES WHO FORSEE BOLTON AS AN ISSUE WITH LEGS FOR 2006

We lose again. Yay. Bolton will be confirmed because, apparently, nothing is out-of-bounds or too disgusting anymore to wipe off with a party line vote. We get fucked, he gets a nice, cushy job, and Bush gets a victory.

There are no "hidden lessons" here, or "silver linings". Cut the shit, guys. We are beat. There will be no impeachments, no recall elections, and no popular uprising at the polls or anywhere else.

2006? Are you fucking kidding me? You think a vote over a scuzzy UN envoy is going to sink a presidency that has overcome DRUG USE by the President, DRUNK DRIVING, VEHICULAR HOMICIDE, PERJURY, TREASON, and WAR CRIMES?!? ARE YOU FUCKING MAD??! That is some pathetic rationalization right there!!!

The ship is steering itself at this point, guys, and nobody wants to take the helm--not even out former heroes in the Democratic Party. I'm so tired of waiting for someone to do the right thing...

So fuck it. Go outside, find a Republican, and punch that motherfucker in the face. That's the only payback we are gonna get. It occurs to me that the only thing the GOP seems to fear is something they call "class warfare": I say, let's do it. And if you're a middle class pussy who wants to stay in your safe spot and avoid the confrontation, then you're against us.

This ain't rocket surgery, guys. We're busy making "George W. Bush fart dolls" and "Buck Fush" (can you be anymore juvenile?!) t-shirts and making fucking body art that represents our chi and puts the world back into balance and simultaneously protests the Iraq war...stop it!! The Republicans are working to permanently remove us from political power. You are wearing a "Buck Fush" t-shirt. Do you see the problem with you?!?

Stop hurting us and start hurting them. Stupid.

Robert Byrd on Cspan2

The man is the greatest politician of the last 30 years and he's still marvelous to hear. He seems particularly captivated by the idea that a potential audience of millions lies on the other side of the TV lens in the Senate chamber. Truly he is a man of numerous interests and a showman. Plus, he was born in North Carolina.

It makes the time pass pleasantly enough. But why, oh why, isn't CSPAN showing the Bolton hearing? Why isn't CSPAN2 showing it? And, finally, why does the great city of Chicago not have CSPAN3 (which IS showing it!) in all parts of the city??

You Mean Afghanistan ISN'T a Vacation Wonderland?

Via Democratic Underground:


"In the midst of the recent violence, the Taliban declared that it had stepped up its attacks on coalition forces, targeting U.S. forces first. In addition to its declaration of increased violence, the Taliban rejected the Afghan government's offer of amnesty, over U.S. objections, to Taliban leader Mullah Mohammed Omar.

Simultaneous with the Taliban's re-emergence is a rise in violent crime throughout Afghanistan. Afghans have witnessed a sharp increase in armed robbery, kidnapping, rape, and murder. Evidence suggests that members of Afghanistan's police force are involved in the crime wave. Most disturbing is the rise in kidnapped and murdered children. In Kandahar, four to five children a day are kidnapped for ransom then frequently mutilated, raped, and murdered after desperate families pay the ransom.

Things are now so bad in Kandahar that people there are reminiscing about "the good old days" under the Taliban."

SO: the Afghanis are now willing to bargain with Mullah Omar, the one guy in the country we absolutely must kill. Sounds like a great job, once again, by the US in nation building and coalition-forging. You know what we have to do now? We have to nuke that country to save it. Think about it.

I wouldn't make too much of the fact that people are openly pining for the "good old days" under the Taliban. Maybe they see the direction the US is headed in and they just want to be like us, the shining beacon of western Taliban-ism. The American Taliban, and its puppet leader, Mullah George, are moving to consolidate power by subjugating women's bodies, exterminating minorities, and blanketing the nation in fundamentalist religious practices. Why would Afghanis NOT recognize this as a resurgence of favor for the Taliban among Americans?

And Hilarity Ensued

Here is the latest from closet homo and GOP chairman Ken Mehlman:
(yeah, I'm on the mailing list. It's pretty amusing--you should try it.)


Dear josh,
No, no, no, no. That's all you hear from the Democrats in Washington these days. From blocking qualified judges to obstructing Social Security reform, they're obstructing the President's agenda at every turn without offering ideas of their own.
Watch the RNC's latest Web video now at GOP.com to learn more about the "Party of No"!
Democrat House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) says Democrats don't need a plan, they just need to stop Republicans. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) says they don't care how long it takes, they will never back down. U.S. News and World Report columnist Gloria Borger says the Democrat Party has become the "party of no."
Watch the "Party of No" Web video now on GOP.com! After you've watched please call your Member of Congress. Tell them to support the President's agenda.
Sincerely,
Ken MehlmanRNC Chairman
PS: Watch the "Party of No" Web video now on GOP.com!

I think he really wants us to watch the "Party of No" web video now on GOP.com. What do you think?


Now, aside from the fact that Ken just "outed" (woops!) a partisan hack journalist sucking the GOP dick over at US News and World Report (or else he misrepresented and libeled her), and ignoring for a minute that he called it the "Democrat Party" (is he retarded? What the fuck?), and forgetting that the GOP apparently has a massmail program that can't capitalize proper names (!?), that's a pretty funny email. Those darn Democratic bastards, always playing politics in political office. That's like a boxer trying to box in a boxing ring--it just makes too much sense! God forbid he should try to outlast his opponent, or refuse to "back down." Far better he should just drop his hands and take the pummelling. Then he can go home and have a nice cup of tea. He'll still have brain damage, though. Guess he needs a better "strategery," huh?

Another funny part of this email is that, if you click to "call your member of Congress" and tell them to support the Boy King, you only get the names of your Democratic reps in Congress. The glaring hole in that, obviously, being that there are plenty of Republicans who don't support Bush's barbaric war on Social Security or his fascistic judges. But to admit that would be honest and fair, and that wouldn't allow Ken to play politics with the issues. And, unless he's sucking off the President, I can't think of any other activity he's qualified to do.

Oh, just for closure, here's my reply as well:

Dear Ken,

This is interesting, but I really don't see your point here. As a committed Republican, I would obviously like to see the President's plans put into action, but I don't blame the other party for trying to thwart them, either. That is, as they say, the point of politics, is it not? Besides, didn't we do the exact same thing with Clinton? Being a crybaby about it isn't going to help us win any votes, and it actually plays right into the hands of Democrats who wish to portray Bush as some kind of tyrant. Please rethink this strategy immediately.

--Josh

Veto THAT, bitch!!

Seriously, you gotta get on this listserv! It really brightens up those slow days at work!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


The singular form of "graffiti" is "graffito," a specimen of which you will notice above.

More Info is Good Info

Here's more factual-type matter on the Waynesville church. The cuckoo metaphor is a little overdone, but the gist is good. The young'uns sound like born agains, albeit more militant than most of the squirrely little fucks I've met.

Enjoy!

North Carolinians Refuse to Beat Up Nonviolent Pastor

What has happened to my beloved South--particularly the parts closest to the Appalachians, where I have been firmly convinced that everyone drives a truck (even if they live in a flat ground trailer), owns a shotgun (even if they have eight kids and no locks on their cabinets), and would punch you in the face if they even suspected you of fucking with them?

How disappointed I was, then, to read that Chan Chandler (what a great name! Not the least bit immature or silly!), pastor extraordinaire of the Waynesville, NC Baptist church, has resigned without even challenging those who drove him from the pulpit to a duel. Or even a fistfight in the gravel parking lot. It could have to do with the fact that most of his opponents are, apparently, over the age of 60. Or maybe Chandler's just a pussy. Who knows? The AP, which did the story, paints it as some innocent cultural divide between young and old members who interpret the Bible differently. But I say it's clearly a story about how young southerners have become chickenshit crybabies who can't face their critics and who run away at the first sign of trouble. Maybe we North Carolinians need to redefine what it is to be a Tarheel: let's put pitch on these little bitches' feet so they can't run off when the action starts.

Of course, the AP tries to paint the opponents of Chandler as the bad guys, suggesting that it is they who are the whiners, but I think it's clear that the real story is somewhat different. I mean, damn, an old woman says that you can't preach that Republicans are going to Heaven and Democrats to Hell, and then says that you can't go around using your church as a political action committee because that would violate your tax-exempt status and betray the whole mission of the church as a place of peace, inclusion, and spiritual journey, and you're going to take that from her?!?

Again, I say it: pussy!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Mierda

By a show of hands, who else thinks Frida Kahlo was a mediocre artist? And her husband, Diego Rivera, was just a hack?

Few "talents" have been as overblown.

Halls of Fame are Losing their Luster

CNNSI.com has an article about...um, golfers (I can't believe I'm bringing this up) that you should read. Not for its content, surely, since the writer (using the term loosely) is whining about how tough it is to judge which young golfers are Hall of Fame material at this point in their careers, but rather to make the point that too many goddamn Halls of Fame exist when golf has one. It's a sport for millionaires in designer clothes. They don't sweat, they don't do work, and they don't care if the fans watch or not. They get paid not to perform for people, but for sponsors. I have never heard a golfer tell anyone that he plays for the fans, or that he "really loves it when the crowd get pumped up" for him.

Plus, in case you haven't ever been to one of these lesser HOF's, almost EVERYONE who ever played the game is in. The golf HOF includes so many golfers, in fact, that it has started inducting people before they even finish their careers. So, unlike baseball, the only sport with a true Hall of Fame, where voters and fans alike debate candidates based on their entire careers, including late dropoffs in production that sometimes derail candidacies, other sports like golf let people in for merely achieving a certain ranking or number of wins. That's the key difference between Cooperstown and everywhere else: ugly, lying numbers will get you in everywhere else.

Even the NFL, which is the embodiment of stupid, has what it claims is a Hall of Fame, yet there are so many truly mediocre players in it that one might be forgiven for wondering what, exactly, the criteria are for enshrinement. Who gives a flying fuck about the best pass-blocking guard of all-time? Not I. Not you, either. Emmitt Smith? He "must" be "better" than Walter Payton, HOF voters say. Why? Well, he had more yards--it's that simple. Never mind that he played in a half-dome, on turf, in Dallas for his whole career (well, until he went to Arizona), whereas Payton played on grass in Chicago in the motherfucking snow and on a team that had only a running game and nothing else for his whole (comparatively short) career! But no, Emmitt is the best ever! No argument! He will be put into the HOF as just that.

Worse, the NFL and others have taken to including non-athletes in their HOF's. There are fucking trainers in the NFL HOF, I'll bet. Glorified waterboys. Assistant coaches. Is there anyone NOT in the NFL HOF that wants to be? Just get some pissant job with the league, hold onto it for a few decades, and boom! (as John Madden, that idiot--and incidentally, NFL Hall of Famer--would say): you're in!

Everything is Great! And Now, Back to the War...

Yahoo! News (which falls further and further in my esteem every day) reports that the CIA is shrewdly exploiting ethnic rifts within al-Qaeda to splinter the group and help win the war on turra. (It's so odd how the "war on drugs" has become an afterthought since 2001. How pissed those rightwing fuckheads at the National Office of Drug Control Policy must be!)

Never mind for a second that there is no real proof that a singular entity called "al-Qaeda" ever existed. Never mind that there is absolutely no way to know that what the CIA says is true. Never mind that the White House will take credit for any and all slivers of positive news coming from the Middle East (even if it has to invent them), while dodging the flood of bad news. If a fucking comet fell to earth tomorrow, crushing bin Laden in his secret hiding place, the Republicans would attribute it to Bush's wonderful emissions policy, which allowed obscene levels of CO2 into the atmosphere, thereby thickening it, which slowed the comet's descent such that it was able (you know, as the hand of God and all) to smite our strawman.

The worst part is, the American media still slurps down the daily WH jizz reports, as Yahoo! notes: the AP wants us all to remember that the CIA also "captured" the "#3 al-Qaeda" guy, al-Libbi, a few days ago. Problem is, they have the wrong guy. Either that, or they can't read their own press releases, which declared that they caught him over two years ago. Did he get early release?

Why is anyone buying a story with a big fat hole right in the middle of it?

To complicate matters even more, allow me to suggest a novel theory: "ethnic dissension" among people who hate America is irrelevant to the fact that they hate America. Despite what the AP would say, I doubt that Iraqis, Syrians, Saudis, and others are going to run into the arms of the US simply because they hate each other. Even if they did, what's to hold them there or keep them from surreptitiously undermining America? Does the name "bin Laden" mean anything here?

Anyway, we are fucked.

Unions Eat Their Own

A letter to the editor of In These Times magazine, a favorite Chicago lefty rag, asserts that ITT misrepresented Illinois SEIU (a union of state employees) in an article last month. What's the problem, you say? Did the supposedly labor-friendly ITT writer slag the union with some backhanded compliment? Did he point out that most unions are corrupt at the highest levels of leadership? Did he, perhaps, swallow hook, line, and sinker some administration/NLRB bullshit about the vanishing need for collective bargaining in the age of globalism? Huh? Huh? Inquiring minds want to know!

No, the problem seems to be that the author, David Moberg, stated that in an election between AFSCME (the American Federation of State, County, and Municipal Employees) and SEIU both unions had gotten (paraphrasing) approximately 10,000 cards signed. The guy writing to ITT, the self-styled "point person" (we must remember to be PC at all times, 'chirrun) for the SEIU, one Bill Perkins, angrily retorts that AFSCME had "only" 8,000 cards, while the SEIU had 10,000.

Dear Sir: If I may point you to the dictionary and the definition of the word "approximately"...?

That, of course, isn't the actual problem. I was at a union conference last month (did I mention that I'm the president of a union local?) and I came away tremendously impressed by the sheer wasted efforts of so many petty, backbiting wankers. Most of our time, in fact, was occupied with stories about the "old days"--presumably glorious--when our union used to "raid" other unions for members. The glee with which the tales were told led me to conclude that no one would mind returning to those heady times.

Except, of course, that those were the 90's, when unions were sprouting everywhere (comparative to the 80's) and many groups felt the need to branch out, or at least defend their favorite pissing-patch. Subsequently, the UAW went into competition with the AFT, which turned on UPI, which fought SEIU and AFSCME. In the fields, FLOC fought LIUNA fought UFW; and so on. See, for example, Leon Fink's incredibly respectful account of union dunderheadedness in his Maya of Morganton, in which LIUNA attempts to drive off better-established, locally-based unions trying to organize chicken processing workers. Why? Not because LIUNA can get them a contract, certainly. But rather because if it does not cannibalize other unions' rightful members, it will cease to exist (one might say that, if you can't get members on your own perhaps your union shouldn't exist, but that's another topic).

It is disgusting to see labor squabble with itself. The word "solidarity" is a fucking mockery, and that fact cannot be blamed on the White House or decades of union-busting by management; it can only be laid at the feet of unions. Do they savage each other because, like street gangs whose actions bring small glory and a blind eye from the police, they are denied power and access in the larger society and so they figure that fratricide is the only way they can win--an internal struggle that ultimately delegitimizes the movement?

They eat their own, you know. And it might go a long way towards reestablishing the power of unions in this country if they wouldn't. Allowing more than one union to court a potential membership at once is the free market solution to collective bargaining. A union is not, actually, an insurance company. It isn't a mortgage broker, either. You don't want them fiercely competing over you, because the result is that the potential unit becomes split into factions and, judging from the tales told, differences quickly become irreconcilable. Rather than fighting exploitation from without, the unions fight themselves and, the more savvy members will note, the leadership of the union (whose fault nothing is) soon begin to fight the membership--exploitation under another name.

I imagine the White House and its owners will have a good laugh years from now when they get together to swap stories of the "good old days."

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I Don't Use...Evidence

Food is the ultimate male privilege. When you walk down the street--OK, who am I kidding? When you DRIVE down the street in your SUV--look at the men and women you pass. In their cars. Because nobody drives anymore. Fat assholes.

You'll see that many, many a chubby man is moving about town, while the women are either unnaturally thin or clearly self-conscious.

Watch TV. That guy from The King of Queens? Aside from being not funny, he's also a fat pig. But his character is married to a VERY hot woman. Nobody is telling that fat fuck to stop eating or to take Relacor for "stubborn belly fat."

Go to a restaurant. Men will be eating steak, not salad. They will not have dessert, but they WILL have three beers (110 calories each, dickhead). And, what's more, men will urge the women they're with to get dessert, never once giving a thought to the fact that women are perpetually ON A DIET and can't eat that shit--because two more pounds and you might leave her. You fucking fat slob.

Look around and notice all the sad women and all the gutty, smug men. Then, shoot yourself. Better yet, shoot two or three of them, then do yourself.

Fatty.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

And Your Point Is...What?

This makes me confused. Me need explain. According to the good folks at The American Prospect Online (scroll down), working off of a column in the NY Times (the Gray Meat of reporting, lately), the major Democratic cities are losing population to "red-state exurbs." The tone, though not the statement, oddly, is that this is bad. See, NYC and Chicago are shrinking, as is DC, and the people leaving are going to the suburbs or worse, the Sun Belt (gasp!).

What's the problem? I don't get it. There are two assumptions, I guess, at work here and neither makes much sense. One is that cities somehow make people Democrats. That is asinine. I think Democrats tend to gravitate to urban areas because they do not fear bustle and difference. The city itself is not formative. Second is the idea that moving to the countryside can make a person into a Republican. Again, wrong. We're all capitalists, and most of us want a big house and a lawn tractor and some fat-ass Dockers khakis. That is our culture, not our politics, and we need not conflate the two in this case.

So what's the big deal? Liberals are moving out of the city--great! Infiltrate those "red states" and kick ass! Look at southern cities and urban counties: they all vote Democrat. Given the ridiculous margins by which Democrats carry New York, Illinois, and California, it only makes sense to spread out the base and take over borderline southern and western states. I mean, goddamn, you have like sixty Republicans controlling the entire state of Wyoming. I know nobody normal wants to live there, but if sixty-one Democrats took one for the team, it could help.


Now, what's YOUR fucking problem?

I'm with Lumpy

Lumpy the Prol--who has vanished off the face of the earth, apparently--has it right: if you call yourself a liberal (and even if you don't but you are even a little bit smarter than a rock) STOP PAYING ATTENTION TO MORONS.

That's it. That's the solution to the world's problems. OK, maybe just the solution to the strain of virulent idiocy that currently dominates "political discussions" and "debates." If you have ever seen the episode of the Simpsons (Treehouse of Horror, I believe) where advertisements come to life and terrorize Springfield, then you should recall Paul Anka's catchy ditty on how to get rid of obnoxious corporate shills: "Just Don't Look."

Lumpy was talking about avoiding simpering Lefties whose arguments all sound vaguely...well, gay. But I'm going to extend the critique to the equally useless, but far, far more dangerous lunatic mainstream (there's no "fringe" anymore in the Republican Party) on the Right. So, while I hear that mAnn Coulter has infected yet another college campus with her shitsucking hate speech, I refuse to pay her any mind. I cannot for the life of me figure out why any of the students went to hear her, either. I don't read the Wall Street Journal or the Washington Times, I don't watch Fox "News" or CNN, and I certainly don't read the Drudge Report or Free Republic. Why not? Don't I need to keep up with the Right so I know its weaknesses? Don't I care what they're up to? Huh? Don't I? What about Brit Hume? Brit Hume?!?

The answers, in order, are no, no, no again, I told you, no!, and fuck Brit Hume!

Anyone who goes on Hannity and Colmes knows what's about to happen, and so when they get shellacked by a liar and a cretin (Hannity and Colmes, reapectively--or just Hannity if you prefer) they shouldn't look so dismayed. They asked for it! Ditto for O'Reilly, Blitzer, King, etc. Stay away from the shitheads, people! Jesus, didn't you go to college?! Did you ride the short bus to get there?!?

As for the kid who got arrested for asking the snakeskin shitbag a question: hey, dummy! It's ANN COULTER! What the fuck were you doing there, anyway??? If you ignore her, she will cease to be!!!

Judge (MILITARY Judge, no less!) Refuses to Play Along

The judge at Lynndie England's tribunal has rejected her guilty plea, saying that he isn't sure she knew what she was doing was wrong. So, I'm thinking this means that somebody else needs to step up and take the fall for this, because this particular judge doesn't seem to be buying the "a few bad apples did it all" bit from the DOD. Try again, scumbags.

"You can't have a one-person conspiracy," said the judge, noting that England's statements did not match up with those of her superior officer/boyfriend/baby daddy, Charles Graner. Graner has always maintained, quite correctly no doubt, that he acted on orders from on high to abuse prisoners. He would seem to have lots of support for his allegations that the US military has a policy of abuse in the myriad incidents in US military prisons in Iraq, Cuba, and Afghanistan. Surely, one might ask, Graner and England didn't work at every American detention facility in the world last year?

Carry on, lady Justice, carry on. Nothing to see here but some patsies.

I can't help but think that the reason Alberto Gonzales and Donald Rumsfeld aren't at all disturbed by the Abu-Ghraib scandal is because they really don't see it as abuse. After all, they have to pay a beltway dominatrix $400-500 an hour for that kind of thing. I also hear Rumsfeld likes the black strap-on. Think about that next time your in the mood.


"Jesus died for your $7...if you hit 'Rewind,' he'll do it again!"

New (Old) Joke

Do you know why the white, suburban, mother of three voted Republican in the last election?

Her husband told her to.

First PBS, now Cable?!

The White House has seen to it that those damn liberals--you know the ones: the people who produce science shows like Nova, that guy from Wall Street Week, and the literacy commies at Sesame Street--are no longer in charge of PBS. Instead, thank God! smart guys like Tucker Carlson now have shows on public television. Not because viewers of PBS, generally the poorest but most inquisitive of television watchers, want to see Tucker's smug little smirk every day, but rather because public TV doesn't grovel enough in front of the almighty Right. Jim Lehrer, the pussy, has made a career out of having no strong opinion on anything, and the rest of PBS' programming is either non-political or so fucking centrist as to be meaningless. This takeover of PBS started, I think, before the 2000 election, when my PBS station in Chapel Hill, NC began showing a documentary about John McCain during the presidential campaign. It wasn't an ad for McCain, nor was it airtime that was purchased by McCain for him to speak, but rather it was a television show about his Vietnam service and heroism. What, you may wonder, would possess public TV to suddenly air what amounts to a free commercial for a Republican presidential candidate? Well, it seems that Congress wanted to see more conservative fare on PBS (which, incidentally, doesn't run anything that I would call "liberal fare" on balance), so I guess the only batshit conservative PBS could fucking stomach was McCain. Hence, the free campaign ad.

But the point of this post is a show that's coming on the Discovery Channel this month. It's called "Building Babies" and it will use "microsurgical video technology" to film an embryo as it grows into a tadpole, and then a fish, and then a monkey, and then eventually, a human fetus.

The promo for the show is of a set of "doctors" looking earnestly into the camera and proclaiming what a breakthrough this is for "science." Also included is a "mother" who is all sappy over a 3D plaster cast of the embryo that some schmuck in ortho made for her (hey, buddy! Get back to making leg braces!!), and exclaiming, "I can hold my baby in my hands before it's even born!"

Uh, yeah, except that mold looks more like a lima bean with eyes than a baby.

Nonetheless, everyone in the commercial refers to it as a "baby."

Now, do you want to know what I think is going on here? Just like PBS, I think this is a sop to the crazy Right. Lefties will view this show as cutting-edge science and won't object. Nutballs from the conservative mainstream, however, will see this as a vindication for their unfounded belief that abortion is murder: "See? See?!? It's a BABY! It blinks and moves its fingers!! I think it just said "I love Ronnie Reagan"!! Oh how cute!"

If medical science is going to get into the business of selling cuteness over reason, eschewing biology for sentiment and whoring to the loony Right, then let's just give in to the crazy fucks in Jebusland and go back to faith healing. Who needs doctors if they can't even demonstrate this one biological fact: it's not a HUMAN. It's a BLASTOMA. It could be a fucking kangaroo for all you know--all animals LOOK and ARE the same at such an early stage of development. It may have human DNA, but it also has gills for God's sake!

Why is the Discovery Channel shilling for the anti-abortion terrorists?