Ah'm Just a Plain-Spoke 'Murican

'Muricans the world over (hey, everbuddy's a 'Murican at heart, ain't they? Ah mean, ain't we jus' fightin' wars to help release the inner 'Murican inside all of them brown people overseas? 'Stead a' callin' em' "bulletholes" we oughta call 'em "'Murica tryin' to get out holes") is realizin' the value of our plain-spoken ways. They got to see a shinin' example of it t'other day when Laura Bush, our very own K-Mart Jackie O., done such a good job of communicatin' with them sand nigg---uh, I mean, our friends in Israel and Palustine.

Or how 'bout last week when Senatur Norm Coleman took it to that British feller? The Yurpean, Galloway, thought he could come over here with a accent and his fancy talk and just take over. Well this:

"I told the world that Iraq, contrary to your claims, did not have weapons of mass destruction. I told the world, contrary to your claims, that Iraq had no connection to al Qaeda. I told the world, contrary to your claims, that Iraq had no connection to the atrocity on 9/11, 2001.
Senator, in everything I said about Iraq, I turned out to be right and you turned out to be wrong. And 100,000 people have paid with their lives -- 1,600 of them American soldiers sent to their deaths on a pack of lies, 15,000 of them wounded, many of them disabled forever, on a pack of lies."

And this:

"I met with Saddam Hussein exactly as many times as Donald Rumsfeld has met with him. The difference is Donald Rumsfeld met him to sell him guns and give him maps. I met him to try and bring about an end to sanctions, suffering and war, and on the second occasion, I met him to try and persuade him to allow Hans Blix and U.N. inspectors back into country."

And this:

"In these circumstances, knowing what the world knows about how you treat prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison, in Bagram Air Base [Afghanistan], in Guantanamo Bay -- including, if I may say, British citizens being held in those places -- I'm not sure how much credibility anyone would put on anything you manage to get from a prisoner in those circumstances."

Is just a bunch of jaw-flappin' nonsense, if you ask me. I cain't make heads ur tails of it, 'cause that feller done fucked up all that syntax n' wordology and stuff.

But Senatur Coleman's statement, now that was a specimen of high clarity. I unnerstood ever damn word:

"Uh....Uh....Now, hold on a minute, I, uh....uh...."

Yeah, that there is eloquence of the sort any real 'Murican can 'preciate.