Yep, that Economy's Humming Right Along!

According to experts, it will cost you more to travel this summer than ever before. Why? Gas prices are outrageously high, of course. That's your War President--always working to get you the lowest price on a gallon of gas, so you stay fat and happy and docile! Good thing we secured Iraq's oil, or else gas would be $17 a gallon, right? Naturally, the oil that just happens to lie underneath Iraq was just incidental to our rationale for war--come to think of it, the grateful little towelheads insisted, yeah, that's right, insisted that we take it! Who's gonna say different?

So there you have it: the War President, who has fucked up the only thing he ever promised to do (hunt down the "turrists"--maybe I'm wrong and he actually meant "tourists" but his fake Texas accent made it sound like an idiot's pronunciation of "terrorists") is also no help when it comes to keeping gas prices low. Not surprising, since he also ran two oil companies into the ground. He is, after all, the only man who couldn't find oil in Texas.

But it gets better, summertime campers. It turns out that, despite the incredible, phenomenal, outstanding, amazing job growth from April that the White House was spewing about the other day, that the inflation continues. According to economists, EVERYTHING will cost too much this year, from charcoal for that stupid grill you're always trying to make "southern-style" short ribs on; to the bug repellant you use to chase away them "pesky critters" that, after all, were only around about 50 million years before humans; to the flip-flops you put into your bag before waddling your fat ass across the beach to your staked-out spot near the polluted, stinking sea.

If I were a vulgar Marxist, as Jamie would say, I'd be overjoyed. All this punishment heaped upon the working class must be building up their anger towards the ruling class, thus hastening the revolution, right? Right?