GOP Congressman is Pedophile, likes Boys

"Congressman Foley Resigns Over Emails to Teenage Page"

What can we say but "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!!! BWAaaaaah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!"

Repeat until you feel better about the last 6 years. Try not to remember that we're totally fucked no matter what. But in the meantime, everyone should know the word "Schadenfreude."

Ass face, thy name is Brett Ommen

Department of Communication
BROWN BAG COLLOQUIUM
presents
BRETT OMMEN
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
12:00-1:30 p.m.
BSB 1169

"TWO FISH, BLUE STATE"

Brief Description: The presentation examines a variety of visual phenomena, from the Darwin fish bumper sticker and magnetic ribbons to the red and blue electoral-college maps and television shows devoted to forensic science, in an effort to mark the relationship between contemporary visual culture and political culture.

Brett Ommen is a Visiting Assistant Professor in the Department of Communication at UIC and his research focuses on the impact of visual culture on cultural identity and imagination as well as the effects of media technologies on the traditional critical vocabulary applied to public discourse.

This lecture is sponsored by the UIC Department of Communication.

--OK, his name is Brett "Omen"? Hi. Nice to meet you. My name is Josh Punchface...
--Brett "Omen" is going to do us all a favor and explain to us what obvious symbols obviously mean at the level of something he calls "political culture," by which he no doubt means the way that popular culture affects political thought. What a guy. It's as though he thinks that most people look at something, scratch their heads, then their asses, then smell their fingers and in so doing they forget what they were looking at and just shuffle off to watch TV (uncritically, of course). BUT BRETT "OMEN," now, he's special! He looks at stuff and takes it to another level by asking himself what it MEANS. He smart. You dumb.
--Our student fees paid for this twat to give this "lecture," which is really just a one-sided conversation in which, ordinarily, two people would see a bumper-sticker and one would say, "Hey, what's up with that?"
"I don't know, maybe they're skeptical about religion...?"
"I wonder where you get something like that?"
"Well, I've seen a bunch of them around, so it must be a lot of people who want to make a statement. It must be aimed at Conservative Christians."

And there, ladies and gentlemen, you pretty much have it. That's popular/political culture. No need to get sticky over it, Brett. You wouldn't want to go overboard with a bunch of assertions that you can't back up with evidence and that your critics can't disprove for the same reason....

...or DO you? Hey, that's a good scam you got going there! Can I get in on it? Yes? Awesome!

Could Brett "Omen" interpret the finger gesture I'm making right now? What does he think it means, you know, symbolically and at the "visual culture" level that affects "cultural identity" and "imagination"? Why do people always seem to make this gesture whenever he's around? Thank God he went to college and got a degree that allows him to puzzle out these universal mysteries.

I'm Angry at Stuff

Connddoolleezzaa RRiiccee (somebody in the maternity ward really should have stepped in and slapped the shit out of her mother) is mad. George Bush is mad. The rightwing echo chamber is at "11".

Bill Clinton had the gall to go on their hometown TV network, Fox, and actually talk about facts. Specifically, what he did to combat terrorism vs. what Bush and friends did not do.

So far, the response from the White House amounts to, "We did too do stuff! We did lots of stuff! Good stuff! Tough stuff! Stuff in a box, stuff with a fox..." you get it.

Not one sorry-ass "journalist" has asked the first question that all college freshmen are taught to ask: "Like what?"

Goodbye, media.

You can never go home again...because they'll kill you

The news wants you to know that "British Forces Kill(ed) Leading Terrorist" today. The story is pretty straight-forward: troops are looking for a guy who escaped from a US prison in Bagram last year, they go to his house, why yes, he is at home...come on in. Then, somebody pulls a gun, somebody else throws up a gang symbol or something, and next thing you know there's a body on the floor and the Coalition of the Willing is saying it bagged a "Top al-Qaeda Terrorist." It's all very clear.

But then you might actually read the article, and some questions are bound to start popping into your nut. Like, for instance, why did it take a year to catch this man (or, failing that, to kill him) if you know where he lives? All wisecracks aside, shouldn't the person writing this article clarify that point, or at least not write so glibly?

Other, more serious problems with this account include the fact that the man in question was kidnapped by the US--apparently on no evidence it is willing to share--and detained without trial for 3 years, until his escape. His wife says she doesn't know about his terroristic leanings (of course she's lying), so you have to wonder just how awesomely powerful Mr. Leading Terrorist was if he had to sneak around behind his lowly wife's back.

Moreover, the only actual evidence of his involvement with any terror network--save one statement from an anonymous Basra policeman (and you know how Iraqi policemen are totally above deceit and never, ever say things the occupiers want them to) comes courtesy of one Mr. Kenneth J. Conboy, who works for a security firm in Jakarta, Indonesia, where the arrest went down originally (though the "terrorist" is Kuwaiti-born, of Iraqi parents, and so, as Mr. Conboy so brilliantly points out, it was natural he should go to Iraq after escaping in Afghanistan).

The real problem with this whole, sorry article is Mr. Conboy. I thought it was a little odd that a "top security consultant" would be the definitive source for an AP article, especially as the consultant in question is also the author of a book that argues that Islamist extremists in Indonesia are part of the larger global terror network.

Now, Mr. Conboy did write that book after September 11, when the Bush administration began its media blitz to convince us all that Afghanistan and Iraq are the cradles of terrorism. Conboy merely asserts that Indonesia is under the spell of the same Islamic fanaticism. But then he acts as backup for an article on Iraq, and he makes clear the connection in the person of this dead guy--no matter that nobody actually knows what he did or why the US kidnapped him in the first place--that Iraq and Indonesia are part of the same problem. It's so weird to me that a journalist gave Kenneth Conboy the chance to confirm the assertions of his own book!

Oh, and did I mention that he used to work at the Heritage Foundation? Oops. My bad for leaving that out.

NO, WAIT! It's actually the REPORTER'S fault for leaving that out!! See, Conboy was deputy director of some shit Heritage think-tank on Asia in the 1980s and early 90s (this took me all of 5 seconds to find out...maybe reporters should get computers?). He also, or so a blog on counterterrorism says, has had articles in The Wall Street Journal and the Washington Times. (I know!)

So, I guess what I want to know is: why is this right wing fuckwit in Indonesia being quoted as a "security expert" in reference to a case of "shoot first, don't ask anything" in Iraq? Is it just because of his HF ties? Is it because he will say that all Islamic militants are connected? Is it because without him this is just a story about a random, maybe-he's-a terrorist, maybe-he-was-innocent situation?

All America knows now is "Leading Terrorist" is dead/Indonesia and Iraq are just like Afghanistan/Waronterra going very well.

Great.

Hockey Season is Coming

Thank you, Jesus.

Government is Dead

So, Bill Clinton has balls. We know that already. He hits on anything that moves and will so do a fat chick. That takes balls. And a relatively bigger wang, I think. Compared to the possibility that one might be rejected by said fat chick, Chris Wallace is a bald pussycat. Read that anyway you want.

The interview never did fully get around on the Global Initiative, did it? How can a man who once ran the most powerful government on earth now espouse a structure of private donations as the cure for the world's problems? Doesn't he believe in government anymore? It's not hard to see how his faith could be shaken, but goddamn, it's the government's job to protect the citizenry and improve material conditions for the human beings who created and support it.

I know some dumbasses out there will tell you that government isn't supposed to do anything of the sort, but they're wrong. And, they're courting disaster, not to mention the death of humanity (in all senses: spiritually, socially, actually). People come before abstractions. "Market" is not bigger than "self." "Hungry" is more real than "margin."

Care to disagree?

How to Make Friends and Influence People

If Democrats and liberals really were sewn, ass-to-mouth, to Hollywood as so many on the right seem to think, wouldn't the left do a better job of marketing itself?

Who could fail to take seriously anything said or written by a liberal pundit with a name like "Bernard Weiner" (seriously, you became a critic and your name is "whiner")? Or "Randolph T. Holhut;" or how about that paragon of left-wing awesomeness, "Brent Budowsky"?

Why not get "Karlos K. Krinklebine," or maybe "Scrodlund P. Dummyface"? Maybe those names will draw a vast readership.

We here at Too Clever By Half (TCBH) really do believe the reason why nobody has read anything Sy Hersh has written in the last six years (other than the fact that he writes for that ridiculous piece of utter pretentious garbage, the New Yorker) is that telling people that you just read a really interesting piece of investigative journalism by "Seymour Hersh" is the absolute end of that conversation. "Hi, I'm a bleeding-eyeballs liberal and part of the international Jewish-Hollywood conspiracy, and I'd like to share with you some insights from my favorite Communist mole, Jewy McJewerson, who writes for I Lick Clinton's Balls Weekly Magazine!"

Why wouldn't that start a word-of-mouth firestorm that would sweep the nation and also the Republicans from office? Do you know? How come nobody wants to talk to me when I say, "Hey, I just read the greatest critique of neo-conservatism, by Randolph T. Holhut..."?

If Democrats had any affiliation with Hollywood, Madison Avenue, or any other savvy industry leader, all left pundits would be named "Rock Strongo," "Charles Krauthammer" (Kraut-hammer? Cool! Still fixated on that whole Holocaust thing, Chuck?), or "James B. Awesome," or "David Brooks." Clearly, there is no connection between the Democratic Party, its supporters in the media, and the actual culture-makers in the business of entertainment or marketing.

Image is not everything. But it is the first part of gaining acceptance, and Democrats are utterly clueless about that fact. How else to explain our choice for President in 1988, Michael Dukakis? Or how about the name that just rolls off your tongue, presidential-hopeful Byron L. Dorgan? Who CAN'T imagine saying "President Dorgan" 10 times daily for at least 4 years? What about "President Blagojevich"? Or "President Scrodlund P. Dummyface"? It's just so natural!

Change your fucking name, lefty. How many columnists are there in the world with the last name "Weiner" or "Wiener" (they are equally bad)? Yes, I am a shallow, shitty person, but I am also a product of the culture, and since gradeschool I have been unable to take seriously anything preceded by the word "wiener". Don't look at me like that; get a pen name, stupid! If you are a TV personality (that is, you are too slow/too attractive to write down your thoughts), do what every studio, publisher, and talent agent does when they have some cash cow too valuable to go through life with an ugly name--change it!

I mean, you don't really think his name is actually "Ann Coulter," do you?

Tripartite Still Life from One Bad Angle

A human leg can be part of a still life, right?

Don't Fear the Ether

What is that? Blue Oyster Cult? What a crappy, weird song...I much prefer the Cavaliers' creepy song about "being good" so the left-behind boyfriend/bad driver can meet his dead girlfriend in the afterlife. Perverse and somehow still fittingly Protestant.

Anyway, old people won't use the internet to pay bills, because they don't "trust" the netherworld of magical instant data transfer to correctly move ions/money from their checking account to a creditor's account.

But old people--and everybody else, apparently--will use electronic voting machines to pick a Senator, Congressman, or President.

And as you may have heard me say before, the motherfucking machines don't work. It's a fact. It's documented and well-known at this point.

The double-digit lead "Democrats" have in all the pre-election polls is completely imaginary (sometimes termed as "Democrats Lead Over Bush," bizarrely, since as far as we know there is no "Democrats" vs. "Bush" check-box on any ballot this November). The Democrats don't count the votes--Diebold does, and it has already stated on numerous occasions that a GOP victory is what it wants.

The city of Chicago is hiring smart guys like me to be poll site workers this year, and they're going to train us smart guys to set up and download the electronic voting machines, but I am almost certain they aren't going to know what we should do if touching the "Democrat" button returns a vote for a Republican. That would just be unthinkable.

It will be interesting to see how this turns out. By the way, if you know any students in the Chicago area, have them contact People for the American Way, the group fielding applications for the city. Applicants must be residents of Cook County and must attend 4 short training sessions and be prepared to work all day at the assigned polling place. And the upshot is, you get paid $500.

Shouting at Nobody

I sent this email to American Airlines just now:

Hello,
I have just viewed part of ABC's movie "The Path to 9/11," and it showed one of the hijackers checking in on an American Airlines flight. His check-in set off alarm bells and made the ticket agent so nervous that a supervisor had to be called. BUT apparently American Airlines has no problem letting a wanted terrorist get on its planes, because ABC then showed your supervisor negligently telling the ticket agent to just let Atta get on the plane.
We all know what happened next. I am appalled that AA played such a large role in letting 9/11 happen, and I can't believe you aren't being sued by all the families of the victims. I, for one, will never fly with you again, since ABC has shown me that you obviously don't care about safety or about stopping those who want to destroy our country.
Thank God ABC has shown this film to millions of viewers, so companies like American Airlines can be boycotted. You should be ashamed of the responsibility you have for 9/11. I can't believe AA was so negligent or that it took 5 whole years for ABC to show America the truth. Shame on you. Now that the public knows what REALLY happened with the airlines, your company should be out of business in a matter of weeks. You might as well be traitors to the United States, you greedy fools.

Pretty slick, eh? I asked for a response, so let's see what they give. If they don't sue ABC, then fuck 'em, they're gutless retards and I won't fly with them again. If they DO sue ABC, they still have shitty service, tiny seats, and their flights are always late, so fuck 'em and I won't fly with them again. Either way, I win.

Pretty dispiriting to realize that a couple (literally, a handful) of shit-for-brains Republicans can get an accurate TV movie about the rather mundane life of St. Ronald Reagan pulled from national broadcast, but millions of Democrats, a former President, a former Secretary of State, and all their lawyers can't get an admittedly biased, mostly-made-up TV movie about one of the most powerful days in our living memory pulled. I mean, what's the idea? To get liberals to hate 9/11 because the only people who mention it are political hacks who want to piss on 3,000 graves? Is ABC holding back a bigger anti-Bush bombshell to run even closer to the election? Would that be "balanced"?

This country, in its politics, media, and social relations, is fast becoming a monstrous joke. I'm glad ABC television has reminded me of just how small and powerless I am--and the 60% of the country that agrees with me on the war, Bush's performance, and the Republican Party's utter failure. It's funny that 5 years ago there was a group of people who felt so little faith in political remedies that they hijacked four airplanes and flew them into buildings. The political culture of this country--only 5 short years later! is at a point where you can't cast an honest vote, you can't question your "elected" leaders, you can't trust any politician to speak from principle or from the heart, and ordinary people don't matter in the calculations of self-proclaimed media and government "masterminds." I wonder when we'll see the first American test pilot...?