This cliche sounds the same regardless of who says it

Just recently it has become trendy to talk about baseball and baseball players in certain ways. For example, a few years ago, if a broadcaster or coach liked a guy, they said he was a "gamer," even if he sucked. Synonyms included "gritty" and, bizarrely, "baseball player." What kind of great game is it when the thing your coach says about you that makes you better than your teammates is "he's a baseball player"? Manny, my regular bus driver on the 55, recently received an award for being, man, you know, just like a...bus driver and shit, OK? That's what makes the difference. Totally.

One of the more annoying things people have been saying this season is that "the ball just sounds different" coming off the bat of Player X, and it's starting to fucking get to me. This all began today, actually, when my fantasy baseball site (yes, I am a loser. And?) sent me the following message about one of my minor league players:

"Marlins OF prospect Michael Stanton is mired in a bit of a cold spell at Double-A Jacksonville. The 2007 second-round pick is hitting just .189 (7 for 37) in his last 10 games and hasn't homered in nine games. Still, with 15 homers and a .299 average in 37 games, the compliments continue to pour in for the 20-year-old outfielder. "He's a man-child," Suns pitcher Jeff Allison told The Miami Herald. "The ball off his bat is a different sound. It's like dropping a huge wooden rocking chair from 200 feet and hearing it crash into the ground. That's the sound the ball makes on his bat. And the ball travels. He can hit the ball over the wall, off the wall, and through the wall."

I love this quote for 2 reasons: 1. Mike Stanton is on my team, and he better be as great as all this, because the ol' Haymarket Bombers have been through some down years recently. 2. "It's like dropping a huge wooden rocking chair from 200 feet..."! Why huge? Why a rocking chair? Why 200 feet?! Marry me, Jeff Allison!!

But really, it also occurred to me that I've heard this quote before. A lot before...but where? So I googled "ball sounds different coming off his bat" and hey, the memory is still like a steel trap (warning, ongoing feature being created):

3/1/10: Hall of Fame manager believes "the ball sounds different coming off the bat" of a super prospect who will start the season with the big club. Who said it, who's the rookie, and (bonus points) what Hall of Famer did he compare the rookie's bat's sound to?

Well, grammar be damned, the answers are, respectively, Bobby Cox, Jason Heyward, and Hank Aaron! Wow...talk about pressure....

3/8/10: On the NY Times' baseball blog (wtf?), washed-up journeyman catcher, Brian Schneider, who knows hitting like Tim McCarver, said of perennially-injured Nick Johnson "the ball just sounds different coming off his bat." Of course, this article could be a farce, since later on, Johnson says he "wouldn't change the way he plays the game for nothing," which sounds like he would change for something, maybe like the $5 million the Yankees gave him to sit on the DL. Plus, Nick Swisher apparently told a reporter "I’m sure Nick and I will become very close. A high on-base guy? That’s right up my alley." Oh no you don't, Nick Swisher! Just because you're both underachieving guys named Nick doesn't give you dibs on him!

4/14/10: Lest you think this is just big league, overpaid gasbags making shit up to amuse themselves, don't forget the downmarket effect: even the kids get corrupted by this shit if it happens often enough at the highest levels - won't someone think of the children?:

"That's a little bit of youth," Verhage said of Ricci, who played full-time varsity as a freshman. "It was a hit-and-run, and he smashed it off the fence. He has a great swing and the ball just sounds different coming off his bat. And he's got great work ethic, so there's nothing but great things in front of him."


...and it doesn't stop there. From 2005: "Tyler Bighames is a 6' 174 pound 2009 infielder from San Diego, California who attends Cathedral Catholic High School....He uses his leverage well and the ball sounds different coming off the bat than others." The kid was 14 years old when that was written.

What is this phrase, where did it come from, and what the hell is it supposed to mean? "The ball sounds different" - like a bag of bullshit being thrown into my ears? Can you quantify that for me? What does sound have to do with baseball, or evaluating baseball talent? Is this just another nice-sounding thing you can say when you really have nothing to say at all? (That last one feels like the answer to me.)

OK, just one more: The Boston Red Sox' top prospect in 2009 was Lars Anderson. Here's what scouts think: "Anderson’s power isn’t elite yet, but it has the potential to get there. He’s always showed the ability to make hard contact and many scouts note the ball makes a different sound off his bat. He’s also adept at using the entire field and many are waiting –and anticipating– his pull power will be soon to come." Yeesh. That sounds like the kid will be a beast, what with the bat sounds and all, and then for good measure the writer compares him explicitly to Mark Teixeira. How's Lars doing in 2010, you ask? Still onomatopoeia-ing it up on his way to the big leagues? Well, not so much. Despite his jibber-jabbering bat, Anderson started the season in AA, looking like he might have to repeat the level where he hit .233 last season with 9 HR in 447 AB, with a very poor .673 OPS. He hit well enough in the first month to move up to AAA, where he's at .250 with 1 HR and a .794 OPS in 16 games. He's also 23, which is a little old for a player who didn't go to college, delaying his development. Sounds like his bat was, if you'll excuse me, talking out its ash.