Thursday, March 31, 2005

Other Thoughts on Social Security

These comments are from "This is Ridiculous...", below. I like them so I'm reposting them. Hope nobody minds.

At 1:37 PM, Andrew P. Connors said... Wow. That statement is astonishing..."...the government provides the goods and services that ensure continued prosperity and a decent standard of living..."Social Security is a straight money transfer. If you hate brokers so much and their fees (and you certainly have a valid point), then you should hate the double fees that you incur in the Social Security system. First, government bureaucrats eat up a bunch of your dollars. Second, since Social Security is a money transfer and is not actually savings, it doesn't create wealth in an investment sense; that is, when you stick your money in the bank, it gets loaned out to other people, and those people invest it in businesses and the like, and then down the road all of society has more infrastructure and is better off. In contrast, none of that happens with social security since there is no account and there is no savings.Learn more about this in my article Social Insecurity.And pick up a book on monetarist economics. Anything by Milton Friedman works.

At 5:00 PM, me said... First, government bureaucrats eat up a bunch of your dollars.Ummm, not the case with SS. The administrative costs of SS are quite low, much lower than privatized systems. Do your homework, precious. I hereby declare that the phrase "government bureaucracy" and any derivative thereof be removed from public discourse on the grounds that it is a meaningless phrase, a political football, used to obfuscate discussion from either side of the political aisle.Besides, private business eats up a hell of a lot of public dollars (compare the growth percentage of CEO pay vs. min. wage in the last 30 years, for instance). Even a cursory examination of current business practices makes this clear.If govt. does "eat up dollars," that's nothing but a call for demanding fiscal responsibility from the government - our government - something the Bush admin. talks about but grossly fails to act on.Get over your free market fetish. It doesn't exist, and it shouldn't exist. Markets are neither magic nor moral. They are amoral human constructs. You say down the road all of society has more infrastructure and is better off. Be careful using the word "all." The facts contradict this. Unless by "all" you mean a small percentage of people with more money than god. Quit fucking with our ability to house and feed ourselves. It's anti-democratic and counterproductive. And dammit, it's not nice.

At 6:47 PM, WhiteCollarDetroiter said... Markets and competition produce only two products on their own: winners and losers. It's the function of competition to allocate resources to the most capable, right? Are there any arguments against that as a capsule summary of competition? No? Good. One of these products - losers - is intolerable in the fields of retirement savings, schools, critical medical care, national defense and law. There simply can not be any losers when all have a right to expect the same performance as their neighbors. Would we accept privatized police forces? It would drive down costs in some communities. Some would get better services than they had. Some private police forces would go bankrupt (as many charter schools have) and leave their citizens unprotected. The same applies to retirement funding. The proponents of privatization of SS like to state that on average the returns on the stock market outstrip the returns on SS. "Average" is an underexamined aspect of this statement. What about the people who reach their old age and find that their particular account, reason irrelevant, has underperformed and they have much less to live on than they had expected? Maybe much less than they actually invested? Why, I suppose they would demand that the government cover their losses, and if there were enough of them they'd get their way at the public's expense. Retirement payments must be consistent on some minimal level. I have been suporting SS payments for 30 of my 45 years and I am not about to get shafted out of my retirement by a political party bent on routing future SS revenues through the pockets of their cronies.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Comic Book Mayhem

Some dumb shit has made Frank Miller's one-note pulp comic series Sin City into a movie (oh, wait. Not "some dumb shit," but Robert Rodriguez, the uber-disappointment from south of the border). If you've never read Miller's "masterwork," it's a series of predetermined character studies wherein men are hulking, hyper-aggressive gangster or cop archetypes, women are curvy whores or else lumpy slatterns, and that's pretty much it. The men engage in senseless fucking and killing (ooh, that's some deep analysis of the human condition, Frank. Keep it up!). The women engage in senseless fucking and generally are killed. Hooray.

OK, maybe that's overdoing it a bit. Miller's early stuff, like one I recall called "That Yellow Bastard" was decent, if only because it was super-violent and unapologetic about it. But that got old real fast. The comics entered a very fast downward spiral and never recovered, mainly in my opinion because Miller didn't really have anything to say, unlike fellow luminaries Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, and Garth Ennis (Sandman, From Hell, Preacher, for anyone who doesn't know. And those are just the best-known ones). You could tell where the story was headed within the first two pages, and it never deviated from its pre-ordained path. That's not a recipe for success in any field, and it's very mediocre in this day and age in comics, where people like Moore have elevated the "graphic novel" to heights heretofore unseen.

And now, from one mediocrity to another, Miller to Rodriguez, I give you Sin City, the Movie! I'm sure it will be slick and overproduced (I have seen the commercials, but I'm basing that more on the super-glitzy, super-vapid nature of Rodriguez's total body of work). I'm sure it will lead the box office for one weekend, at least. I do not blame people for wanting to go see movies that are more about spectacle and pretty people than dialogue and plot. Evil is seductive, after all.

Now I could be wrong. Maybe this will be the greatest movie of all time. But I'm betting against it.

Rare "Traitor Monkey" Kicks Bucket

According to this, Bob Novak has just died. In Japan, no less.


**Just for humor's sake, the original headline was "World's Oldest Monkey Dies," but Yahoo News is always changing its headlines. Oh well.

Monday, March 28, 2005


"No human being would stack books like this..."

Easter Means Bad TV

For all of us who don't live and die for Christ, Easter weekend sucks every year. It's OK to see the family, and maybe get a little drunk on Jesus' birthday, or bris, or whatever fucking happened on Easter 2000 years ago.

But the Christian takeover of Easter weekend television is just plain wrong. There I was, trapped for three days in a cabled-up house with 276 channels of "Jesus' Real Life" and "Search for Noah's Ark" and "Myths and Mysteries of the Bible" and "Bathsheba: Real Whore or Mythic Whore?"

Look, TV gurus: if I were religious in the orthodox sense, I would spend most of my weekend in church (imagine that!), not watching the Discovery Channel! And, isn't the Discovery Channel supposed to be about science?!? As I am not a churchgoing man, I have lots of time on holiday weekends, particularly, to watch TV, and the last thing I want to fucking watch is some bullshit about whether or not it was goat's blood or pig's blood on the door posts of the Jews' houses in Egypt!!

Fuck. Off. Jesus. Freaks.

Brass Balls

In New York last week, wandering the financial district, we passed the giant sculpted bull near Wall Street. Dozens of people were posing for pictures with it (and we think the Chinese calendar with its suggestion of animal worship is weird? sheesh.). In retrospect, I'm sorry I didn't get a picture, because my wife and I both commented on the fact that, as the bull faces north and we were approaching from the south, we got a great view of its gigantic, bronze testicles.

Leaving for a moment the sheer grotesqueness of sculpting a statue with a giant nutsack prominently sticking out from between its legs (and yes, I have seen live bulls, and they have big nuts--but not this big), I had to ask myself, "what has THAT got to do with anything?" Why not just leave it out? Accuracy? What about decency? C'mon, rightwingers, back me up on this!

I recall asking the same thing in other places. In Omaha, NE for example, they have a sculpture of a buffalo downtown, and it has a large, textured, true-to-life asshole. If you are walking up from the wrong direction, the red eye (oh, and it's at eye-level, you can be sure) stares you right in the face. What the fuck?

Or take Chicago, where the Field Museum has a stuffed elephant...
wait a minute! That elephant, formerly alive though it may have been, has no butthole!! It's a real elephant and some decent person, for some odd reason, left off the enormous, gaping, leathery sphincter and equally huge, sagging--dare I say--elephantized nutsack! What were they thinking?! Don't they know that sculptors everywhere have been laboring for years to fashion true-to-life anuses and testicular sacks for their oversized animal projects? Chicago could have become a Mecca for sculptors needing a view of a real elephant perineum--think of the income to be made selling photos and schematic drawings of animal buttholes and balls!

Sunday, March 27, 2005


Central Park in Spring is very restive.

Hobble Your Ass to the "OFF" Button

My friend told me that he was watching "Scarborough Country" the other day while laid up after a minor surgery. Let's forget for a minute that there are lots of other media out there, so this was more than coincidence. Think also of the evocative title of the show, modeled as it is on the hokey, "manly" Marlborough ads of the 70s--is Joe Scarborough, that intern-killing scumbag, trying to indelibly link tobacco companies, the purveyors of physical death, to Fox, CNN, etc., the purveyors of mental death?

In any case, Killer Joe was talking to some liberals about Terri "Bulimia Caused My Heart Attack" Schiavo (don't hear much about that, do you? I guess we want our bitches skinny more than we want them alive), and Killer Joe made a point of contradicting someone who said that Schiavo had been taken off "life support". Over and over, my source says, Scarborough repeated his opinion that feeding tubes are not life support. Finally, a very irritated liberal said something along the lines of: "OK, Joe, then if we take out the tube and she dies, what do we call it?!?"

Beats me. "Life support"?

Jesus, everything should be this easy. Now stop watching that goddamn show!!

Friday, March 25, 2005

This is Ridiculous. If You're Reading this, You Owe Me $50...

Why is anyone even discussing this bullshit attempt to privatize Social Security in terms of its details? I got lots of liberal websites that are in a tizzy over whether dumb people can manage their own accounts, whether we're being racists if we show concern for others' ability to invest wisely (don't fall for that guilty pile of steaming horseshit), whether there will be choice in the plans offered, whether people can opt out, whether stocks and bonds are safe enough, blah, blah, blah.

There is only one thing anyone needs to know about this plan. It is this: the only reason this idea has come this far is because investment houses and a select few very wealthy people stand to make a ton of money off of you in the form of handling fees and commissions. That's it. Nothing further need be known. That's the whole sorry bung in the cask of privatization. If we just worry at it awhile, it will pop out and the rest of the nonsense inside will go down the drain. Bad metaphor?

If you want to be a patsy, and give most of your money to a broker (and really, who trusts brokers? These are the guys who told you that Amazon stock could keep going up indefinitely), then you want privatization. If you like to fund Chase Manhattan, Smith Barney, Merrill Lynch, and the like, then this plan is for you. I would be amazed, though, if you didn't also just run down the street throwing money in the air. You obviously have no need of it, and you are just that dumb.

If, on the other hand, you like the idea that the government provides the goods and services that ensure continued prosperity and a decent standard of living for most people (what--you think markets create and regulate themselves??), then fight this one with any weapon at hand. This is going to bankrupt us as a nation, while a few greedy fucks get richer. What I have yet to figure out is why they think all that money will be worth anything when the country descends into financial ruin. You can bet I'll save enough to buy a 2x4 with a nail through it, and together we can chase those fat bastards down on the day of reckoning.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Unpublished Letters

This is my letter to the college republicans referenced below. Game over.

To the Editor:

If I may be published in my own words, without any convenient omissions or clever editing?

Thanks for the exposure. I had no idea anyone would ever take the time to read anything I wrote--I suppose all academics have a confidence problem to some degree--but you have convinced me that I am, in fact, a provocative and effective writer. Look how much time and effort has gone into the attempt by your magazine to somehow make me look bad (though I must tell you, the picture of me in the March issue is one of the best I've seen. What was the thinking there? Oh but I am a handsome devil--isn't evil always seductive?).

You seem, to put it mildly, a bit confused about how to hurt a person. Obviously, you have not been studying the right-wing playbook as closely as you ought, or you would know the first rule of conservative "thought": attack, attack, attack, and never, ever admit to a mistake. Or two. Or thousands, in the case of Mr. Bush's desert adventure.

But in your case, you had me dead to rights. Not only did you publish a rant of mine under the heading of a "letter to the editor," but you caught me using your masthead to cleverly question your motives (I do not, however, have control over Blogger, so when site content mysteriously disappears, it's usually our good friends who run the internets). But then, inexplicably, you admitted (in print!) in last month's issue that you stole my writing off my blog and that I have never contacted the Centurion. D'oh! You suggest by this behavior that you are willing to scour the internets in search of any usable material, then chop it up and present it in a false light.

Very serious problem of ethics, that. To borrow from my own blog (and why not? everyone else is), www.dumbocracy.blogspot.com: "Isn't ethics the sort of thing the Right lectures US about?!?"

And while we're on the subject, it seems a bit disingenuous of the Centurion and its editors to decry the one institution that gives them a place to voice their incredibly shallow complaints: the modern, liberal university. As I have said before, in much more stark terms, if you are such an enemy of the state, of taxation, and of government oversight, then begin registering your opposition by getting the hell out of Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. Now of course, you'll call me an elitist and claim that I am trying to oppress you and so on, and so on.

You're absolutely right. I am a smug guy, mostly because I know more than you. But I wasn't born that way--I had to work pretty damn hard at it. Anybody could do what I do, but most don't try. It's easier, in the final accounting, to flip on Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly and just accept that stupidity is a convenient condition with which to live. I do want to oppress such behavior, and I will employ very harsh means to do so. Nothing along the lines of conservative darling and self-hater Michelle Malkin's bizarre pleas for new internment camps, but certainly a serious verbal thrashing is in order for anyone who cannot be bothered to think.

Do we really want to live the Rovian nightmare, where those who have mastered politics but not philosophy are allowed to run things? Do we really want to sell Americans as short as the Republicans would like, along that new/old false dichotomy of "red state-bad, blue state-good"? I think not. And I, for one, therefore have no further use for the Rutgers Centurion.

--Josh Fennell

I Have Fans!

Well, so they're not the kind of fans I want. Mostly conservative wankers, really. But they will not leave me alone. I keep getting emails and comments from them, out of the blue, which suggests to me (since I certainly am not courting them) that these people are a bit obsessed with me.

Which is cool. I am flattered by their puppy love and adoration (I hear they even have pictures of me--well, actually what they have is a photo of my wife and I and they just cut my wife out of the picture. Talk about jealousy! MEOW!).

But this has to stop. I am, I'm sorry to say, not the least bit attracted to editors of college zines. Nor any other rightwing stooge. I know, I know, there's a lot of money in that sort of thing (I could be "Jeff Gannon," or "Josh Guckert," or "Rock Strongo"), but it's just too sleazy. What's more, it just ain't right. As a born southerner, I have to say that I understand these kids' admiration of me, but I just have no appreciation for people who talk for no reason. And this hero-worship shit is starting to get tedious and repetitive.

Isn't there a guy kicking widows and orphans that you all could go idolize for a while? I'm sure Karl Rove would shit in a box and send it to you, and you could make a shrine to that. Maybe you could give blowjobs to the steers down on the President's ranch...oh wait. He ain't a real cowboy. I forgot. What would a pussy from Maine know about cows? Forget that last one, fellas.

Anyway, this is goodbye. For you. I'm staying here and moving on. You need to find a healthy outlet for these things you're feeling right now. It'll hurt, sure; and it'll keep you up some nights, but you'll be better for it in the end.

Or, if you're still a Republican, you'll maybe always just be a dipshit. I don't know. Do I look like I can tell the future? Run along now...

Why America is #3

Inefficient sidewalk management. In Chicago, in New York, in any place with plenty of people who walk, you'll see hordes of folks meandering down the sidewalk as if they had nowhere else to go. And right behind them, you'll see people like me, impatient and growing more so every second; trying to slip past the dawdling retards but foiled at the last second by an unsignaled direction change, a stagger, or--worse--another wayward idiot coming from the opposite direction. This is not just frustrating, it's enough to make murder an open question.

That phenomenon is what keeps the US behind Europe and Japan (and falling further back every year): the reckless, selfish consumption of public space. In a word: inefficient sidewalk management, or ISM. Damn them. Damn them all.


And Republicans, too.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Join the Club

I guess I'll join in with every other blog dork out there and register my disgust with Blogger, which has been fucking up every day for a week. It's also doing something strange with "comments," so be warned.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Disconnecting the Dots

I saw this in the newspaper the other day, both articles on the same page. The first story said that a scientist of some sort has discovered that the reason teenagers have so many more accidents than older drivers is because their brains are not fully developed. Specifically, the part of the brain that deals with impulse control is immature, this guy says, until a person is in their early to mid-twenties.
The second article was about Antonin Scalia and his robe-rending dissent from the Supreme Court decision that put an end to the execution of minors. Kids, as Scalia would have us know, are just as evil as any other murderer, and thus must be punished just so.
Nowhere on that page of the Chicago Tribune, nor on any other page, did anyone connect the two stories. On the one hand, we have some scientific proof that teenagers act without thinking, and thus are probably incapable of meeting the legal standard for premeditation--that is, they cannot fully understand the consequences of their actions, because their brains are developed in such a way as to hinder forethought. On the other hand, a man who is just a step away from becoming America's top judge is telling us that juveniles fit the same category as adult offenders, and is implying that legal principles are entirely divorced from developments in the society that created them (unless, of course, you think the law just appears out of nowhere or, worse, falls directly from God's mouth--a perversion of reason too insane to address here). This is, remember, the same guy who declared that innocence of a crime is not a good enough reason to grant a retrial to a wrongly-convicted felon.
What the fuck is going on here?

Thursday, March 17, 2005

David Horowitz and the Mighty Bitchslap of the Truth

"Right-wing activist David Horowitz, the president of Students for Academic Freedom (SAF), which purports to fight anti-conservative bias on the nation's college campuses, has admitted that a story highly publicized by his group concerning alleged events at the University of Northern Colorado (UNC) "appears to be wrong," and that "our presentation of this case appears now to have had several faults." Horowitz made the concession in an article posted on FrontPageMag.com, his online magazine, on March 15, under the headline, "Correction: Some of Our Facts Were Wrong, But Our Point Was Right.""

Hmm. OK, Dave, whatever you say (author makes jerking-off motion with both hands).

See, the problem here isn't that Horowitz and his trolls are a bunch of liars. It isn't that Horowitz feels like he can just make shit up and then pretend that he was trying to teach us dummies an allegorical lesson. It isn't even that he hates America (though clearly, he does).

No, it's that he is in a position to interact with our children. Just as college professors shouldn't be allowed to sermonize in class, Horowitz and his Students for Academic Freedom cannot be allowed to take their personal biases and fabricate stories to make "liberals" look bad. That's not just an attempt to rile up the gullible, it's immoral and it's the exact opposite of "academic freedom". LYING, that is, is antithetical to learning. DISINFORMATION is the opposite of truth. PROPAGANDA is the enemy of freedom. This doesn't seem that hard to grasp, but apparently the turdchuckers on the other side don't get it. I wonder why. Maybe they ought to spend more time in class, listening to the "stupid" "liberal" profs, and a little less time hanging out with that creep,* David Horowitz.

*Edited for content. "getting their anuses diddled" just doesn't make sense. I think I meant to suggest the perversity of a grown man who likes to hang out with young kids and who seems to take unusual satisfaction and validation in using people much younger than himself. Kind of like a sexual predator. But of course I do not mean to suggest that Horowitz has ever actually been a pedophile. Merely that he's creepy.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Is This Book Worth Reading?

Here's a book review I wrote for the author last year. Just floating it out there. Johnston provides a patient but, I believe, ultimately unsatisfying counterpoint to Jim Livingston and the corporate liberalism camp.


Review of Robert D. Johnston, The Radical Middle Class: Populist Democracy and the Question of Capitalism in Progressive Era Portland, Oregon (2003)

As part of a just-underway and ongoing attempt to "re-democratize" the progressive era, Robert Johnston offers The Radical Middle Class, a book that speaks to the latent populist impulse in American society. Combining case study with a rampant optimism, Johnston recasts the possibilities inherent to populism through a thorough treatment of the early twentieth century middle class of Portland, Oregon. In Johnston’s well-crafted scolding of forgetful or unimaginative historians, many a scholar will undoubtedly feel the sting of having past carelessness pointed out. Most every historian has spooned a little dirt onto the graves of progressivism and populism, and here Johnston digs up the bodies and finds that neither is really dead yet. How embarrassing.

Radical Middle Class problematizes our concept of the middle class by proposing that the Thompsonian view of class be applied. That is, as EP Thompson pointed out, class is a process and, even more exciting, people consciously make their own classes. In examining the middle class, several considerations are important. As Marx pointed out, there are actually at least two middle classes, a lower and an upper. The petite bourgeoisie, the lower middle class, is comprised of artisans, skilled laborers, and small proprietors. In Marx’s conception, this group believes its interests to lie with the upper class but will be slowly driven into the working class by the crushing advance of capitalism. Significantly, however, this theory allows for intraclass conflict and at least suggests the possibility that a self-conscious petite bourgeoisie could lay claim to a "middle class" reality all its own.

Additionally, and following from that observation, this new middle class (or "middling" class, to distinguish it from the upper class whose values it does not necessarily share) might not be phased out at all but may persist indefinitely and even serve as a worthy goal for members of the working class—a complete inversion of the Marxist paradigm. Such a harmony of interests with the working class is revealing, in that it suggests that occupation and class are not necessarily the same thing. Some people, though they identify as "workers," simultaneously stress their connections to a bourgeois world and self-appropriate the title of middle class. Johnston is careful to point out, however, that the middling sorts fought both the power of "elites" and the destructive forces of "cheap labor." Here, then, is a class at odds with itself, its betters, and its inferiors.

The primary motivation for Johnston’s Portlanders seems to be individualism. From Curt Muller, whose defense of long working hours for women rested, most plausibly, upon a laissez faire critique of regulation; to Lora C. Little, whose stand against smallpox vaccinations was a defense of the body against compulsory inoculation; populists relied heavily on the rights of the individual against the state. Neither socialists nor capitalists, these people warred on behalf of a number of causes, many seemingly antithetical to their democratic principles. Forgotten in the uproar of feminist historians’ recent response to the Muller case and his professed sympathies to unions, is that he was, in point of fact, a man seeking to secure unlimited access to his workers’ labor.

This particular case also points to another problem with this study, which is that it considers only one side of the question. What of "progressives" who thought that a ten-hour rule for women would open the door to equal protections for men? If Muller’s supposed advocacy of feminist principles was clever, was the ten-hour movement any less so in appealing to equal protection to turn a woman’s law into a man’s?

It is undoubtedly true that American historians, at least, have erred in insisting upon the death of populism by 1900 and the similar demise of progressivism by 1920. In relating the events in Portland—a rather singular place, perhaps—Johnston lends the reader a valuable insight into a community in which possibilities that were foreclosed elsewhere remained open much longer. More importantly, Radical Middle Class speaks to the foremost problem, to my mind, of progressive era scholarship: it is, for the most part, all gloom and doom. In precious few works of history do we find the kind of unbridled optimism, hopefulness, and confidence in the democratic spirit that young Walter Lippmann, William James, Jane Addams, and contemporary intellectuals often located as being at the root of their efforts. That sort of hopefulness is what Radical Middle Class is about. Johnston is offering us not only a brighter picture of a world that once was (and I am not referring here to the Lears-ian populist paradise), but is strongly suggesting that it could be again. The thread of populist sentiment, it seems, endures in this country in the form of the entrepreneurial spirit, the movement for holistic health, organized labor, and the continuing identification of the working and middle classes with one another. Still around, as well, are the bulwarks of the "Oregon System" of popular government: the referendum, initiative, recall, and direct election of officials.

There is one big problem that I see with such optimism, though the sentiment is surely appreciated. The problem is that populist impulses of yesteryear may not be so useful today, except as inspiration. Take, for example, the Oregon System. As we have (very) recently seen, the exercise of direct democracy may not always result in a better world. Shall we interpret the banning of gay marriage in eleven states to an anti-elite movement? Since such measures, in some cases, also disallow civil unions, even for heterosexuals, do voters not recognize it as an effort directed against themselves? Can we draw any conclusions about the wisdom of "the people," based on the California recall of two years ago? What emerged in response to a bankrupt national politics in the early twentieth century has now become a part of that system. In the absence (and I do believe there is an absence) of local power, these measures become tools of the national party and an obedient party base helps pervert their original intent. In short, such measures were formulated for past problems, and were meant to be used by a different public. In recognition of changing times and political realities, it may be time to put them to bed.

Furthermore, in the present age where hyper-individualism has taken such strong root as to be claimed as the very basis of our culture, singing the praises of an individualistic politics is problematic. Aside from that, there is also the consideration that the ideal of a nation of small producer republics denies the tremendous benefits that the lower and middle classes have derived from bourgeois revolutions. Even if Portland’s petite bourgeoisie never fully embraced capitalism, it did reap its rewards. The ability of a worker to identify with the habits of the middle class, in fact to assume a middle class identity, is the result of the national, consumer society.

On the other hand, it may be a supremely noble effort on Johnston’s part to write the book that he has. That Radical Middle Class appeared more than a year before the biggest electoral triumph of the monied interests yet in our nation's history does not weaken its impact any. The current crisis in America may stem from a certain popular disregard for history and reluctance on the part of historians to prove its worth. If the most recent election can be seen as a measure of the public’s beliefs, then it would seem that capitalism of the sort Johnston calls an "open question" for the residents of Portland has in fact become a reality for the present age. If cynicism, alienation, and greed seem to be carrying the day, can historians hope to do more than show that another, better world did exist and might exist once again? Though we might wish for a more cooperative recommendation and one that did not disavow the benefits of capitalism along with the ills, that is no reason to turn away from this book. Johnston tells a tale of enormous hope and possibility, one that is especially welcome in these dark times. That, in the final accounting, is the immense value of this book.

If you use any part of this essay, I better see some credit. I have Lexis-Nexis. I can find you.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


What is, "I want to rip open your skull and feast on your brain," Alex?

Transparency of the Mind

According to CNN, that trusted, dear old mouthpiece of bad information and incompetence, Alan Greenspan doesn't think it's possible for Social Security benefits to remain at their present levels for more than three years or so. Yikes!
Yikes, that is, if Alan Greenspan actually knew anything about Social Security. The last time I checked, Greenspan was the chairman of the federal reserve, not the head of the GAO or of the Social Security Administration, nor is he a member of Congress, the body that passes the budget. So what, exactly, does he do? Apparently, he lives in some sort of preservative brine, in a large plexiglass vat, and he is fished out, dried off, and trotted out to mumble nonsense whenever the president needs a "reputable" face to sell his disastrous policies. Or, I suppose, whenever NBC news zombie Andrea Mitchell, Greenspan's wife (don't hear too much from NBC about that, do you?) needs a partner to forage for fresh brains.
If Greenspan is an "expert" on Social Security, a complex financial program he doesn't actually know anything about (as opposed to, say, the General Accounting Office, which knows quite a bit and says the program is just fine), then who else should speak up on policy matters? I suggest that the White House tap Karen Hughes for the State Department; Ken Lay for the Energy Task Force; John Negroponte for intelligence czar; Condolleeezzaaa Rice to Secretary of State; and some asshole who hates the UN to be ambassador to the UN! Shit, why not make Katherine Harris a congresswoman while you're at it! Ha ha ha ha ha ! HAAAaaaaa! Jesus, I'm killing myself here! Ha ha ha ha ha haaa!!
What? Oh. no. No fucking way...

We are so screwed.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Sack of Dicks

Why is it that the best designed blogs out there are apparently the homes of the dumbest people? Click "next blog" if you don't believe me. There are some slick, boss layouts only a click away, but the spelling is atrocious and the thinking entirely absent. What a waste. I guess you can't expect kids to learn marketable skills in high school (thanks, Microsoft!) and expect them to think. I weep for the future.

Sorry

Bad day. Must take out aggression on favorite targets.

Me Hate Me

Oh yeah, Michelle Malkin. Almost forgot that bitch even existed. Boy, for a "darling" of the Right (reich?) she sure does get lousy exposure. Just not white enough yet, I suppose. Keep scrubbing with that Brillo pad, skank, you'll make it some day.
Anyway, AmericaBlog notes that Malkin is on the loose again, this time attempting to diss female corrections officers for not being able to subdue 240-lb. convicted rapists. Because one woman was overpowered by a psychopath, who then shot five people, that means all women make bad cops.

Well, OK.

Cops do, after all, suck. And nobody ever got shot for no reason (try that one on the Fraternal Order of Police next time they call a-fundraisin'). Thank you, Michelle. You fucking alien-looking, dick-licking whorebag.

Oh, and if concentration camps for the Japanese are so fucking great, why don't we bring them back and let any "grateful" minorities take up residence therein?

You first, bitch.

Journalism is Dangerous? Try being a Liberal...

According to this (pathetic piece of shit attempt at writing though it is), more journalists died last year "in the line of duty" (read "sucking the White House dick") than any year since the war in Algiers. Of course, the article notes Iraq is the deadliest place on earth, but doesn't even attempt to explain why.

Gee, is it just me, or is there a giant fucking white elephant in the room?!?

That's your "liberal" media--always on the march for truth, democracy, and never, ever willing to give a Republican a free pass. Yep. Yessir. That's right.


Fucking cunts.

Give a Nigga a Break

The lonely traveler will find himself the object of discrimination in Chicago. The city of two airports, O'Hare and Midway, hides a sinister--derived from the Latin, meaning "left-handed"--secret: rental cars are color-coded. A full-size Ford Taurus at O'Hare rents for $59.67 for a three-day weekend; the same car goes for $101.69 at Midway.

The difference? Why, Midway sits at 55th (some would say "Garfield Boulevard") and Cicero, on the edges of darky-town and an area being swallowed up by a tidal wave of Latin migrants. O'Hare, with its long delays, is nestled in a special annexed section of the northwest suburb of Rosemont, so white that nearby the AHL's Chicago Wolves play in Allstate Arena in front of legions of soulless, khaki-clad middle management drones.

That extra $42 would go a long way towards paying for Mr. Bush's ill-gotten Iraqi oil to power the Ford that pays the lobbyists to ask the Senators to protect the interests of the multinational corporations that run the house that Rockefeller built. Or is that too hard to follow? Is it...

?

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Readers: Threat or Menace?

Readership of this site seems to spike after 5 pm EST. Is that when everyone gets home, tears off their clothes, and frantically masturbates while reading my blog? I sure hope so.
How in the hell do people find this shit anyway?
I assume many people just click on the "most recently updated blogs" link on Blogger's homepage. Thus, I have contrived this post so that Too Clever By Half will appear there in a few minutes. Evil genius, I am.

Saturday, March 12, 2005


Maybe THIS is why insurance premiums are so high--rad. techs are all fucking around with the equipment!

Measure Your Screwed-itude

Use the handy Social Security Calculator link at right to find out how much you stand to lose with the proposed overhaul of the most successful, longest-running, most emblematically American program of all time.

You mean you don't want to give all your money to your betters?

Newsflash: Government is Lying to You

So...

When told by one of his "town hall" scripted monkey fans that citizens might consider buying government bonds instead of blindly handing over their life savings to junk bond traders, the President (I know, I know. I wanted to leave him out altogether but I couldn't figure a way) responded that those bonds were a bad bet, because the deficit is growing out of control.

Good one, chimpy.

In other news, "Clear Skies" legislation gets voted down under a new program of conciliation Democrats are calling the "Initiative to Work Closely with Our Friends in the White House." Hey, if they can just make shit up, so can we.
Next on the docket: Democrats propose a "Lifetime Health and Wellness Package" for Republicans that involves cutting off their nuts and dragging their naked bodies through the streets.

And, finally, the Pentagon has absolved itself from any responsibility for Iraq torture scandals. In their own report, which was apparently compiled by interns who never left the building or did any research, the Pen found that it was utterly blameless and concluded with this statement: "We above the damn law, bitches!! Boo-YAH!!!"

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Here's Another Idea

While we're self-immolating in the virtual world, here's another thing that's become bothersome:
When did prison stop being about reform and start becoming about punishment? Foucault said that, as we became more civilized, social institutions of power began to create ways for people to self-repress, thus moving the locus of punishment from the body to the mind; from the exterior infliction of punishment to the interior, self-punishing. Discipline, he called it. I get that. But what I don't get is the trend towards eternal punishment.
Example (this is a good one [grimace]): pedophilia.
OK, hear me out. I think pedophilia is a mental illness, not a crime. I am speaking, of course, of a legal definition. Moral crimes are another issue. Clearly, you cannot commit a crime if you are compelled to do so by biology, which is beyond your control. Our judicial system chooses to accept a double standard on this point, whereby a pedophile can go to prison but someone with schizophrenia cannot. Bad call.
Anyway, when a pedo gets out of jail, he (let's just assume it's a "he", eh?) has to go register with local authorities as a sex offender.

My question is, why?

Either he is or isn't sick. Which is it, government? If he's sick, he never should have gone to prison in the first place, but to a hospital where he would receive indefinite treatment. I am pretty positive that he got very little therapy in the joint, unless pillow-biting is cathartic. If the authorities are worried he might do it again, then he ought to never have been released. If we follow the government's logic all the way through, we must conclude that, as he is a criminal, not a mental patient, at least some forms of criminal behavior are perpetual and bound to be repeated. In other words, criminals are born to break the law, and there's nothing we can do about it.
Now, this thesis has been so thoroughly and repeatedly disproven that it needs no further flogging here. Suffice to say that such assertions are asinine in the extreme. It's the kind of argument Republicans would make if they had no shame...oh wait! They don't!
But I digress. If, in fact, the authorities view pedophilia as a crime and not an illness, then they must punish it. And in this society, we punish people by putting them in prison. However, when one gets out of prison, there is the assumption that one has paid his dues to society: the slate is wiped clean. You can get a job. You can leave the country. You can vote again, unless you live in Ohio or Florida or Texas or another shithole state. You may have to do a short parole stint, but even that eventually goes away.
And if you were convicted of being a pedophile? Nope. You get to stay on the sex offender list forever. You get punished for the rest of your life. And I should think that "convicted sex offender" probably ends just about every conversation you'll ever have from that moment on.
How can a society that claims to be just allow such a thing? The eternal punishment of criminals is antithetical to our laws and our spirit of reform. I should point out that most everyone, including our government (which exists as a single, legal entity) now believes in a God of mercy, not of retribution. Or at least we like His tenets. They are, after all, the basis for Western secular morality.
So what's up? Do we punish prisoners for a period of time or for all time? Is this a case where the law is just plain wrong? Is pedophilia so severe an offense that we as a society cannot allow it to be treated, but instead demand perpetual "justice"? Why do we lump pedophiles and rapists together--are they the same? Why should anyone care about either group? What's with the questions?

The other option besides imprisonment and continuing punishment after release, of course, is that I'm right, and pedophilia is a sickness, in which case pedophiles must be kept under supervision all the time, just like psychotics. Which one seems more just?

Handicapped Parking

On many levels, the Americans with Disabilities Act is a failure. For one thing, it's a patronizing piece of horseshit legislation that treats grownups like dummies and seeks to draw black-and-white distinctions between myriad disabilities, all of which demand case-specific solutions. Now let me tell you how I really feel.
I wholeheartedly support bringing old buildings into compliance with the reasonable part of ADA: the accessibility statute. As a graduate of the most kickass university in the US of A (North Carolina, in case you don't read so good), I can say that there is no reason in the world why buildings can't be made easily accessible for all physically disabled people. UNC, however, has "historic" status for many of its buildings, and so you get shit like the professor I knew who was in a wheelchair and couldn't get access to her department's offices because they were on the third floor of an old building and nobody could get a permit to put in a chair lift.

Come on, people. That's some sad-ass bullshit. Shame. Shame.

The rest of the handicapped-affiliated world, though, and especially those who enforce the ADA, can kiss my round hairy ass. With tongue. See, there's a fundamental flaw built into the ADA (which complements the conceit that all handicapped people are the same): the law offers protections and privileges to all handicapped people that are above and beyond what other, not-handicapped people receive.
Case in point: handicapped parking.
Now, not everyone needs handicapped parking--never mind, for a moment, that about 90% of those with a handi-parking placard are actually teenagers and lazy adults who took it from grandma's car. No, actually very, very few of the legitimately physically (not mentally!) handicapped people in the world can operate cars or know someone who will drive them around in their car. Think about it.
One might say, if one was a real bastard, that if you are so damn deflicted that you cannot walk more than twenty feet to a doorway, you should probably stay home; have that pizza delivered.
Which brings up another point: why does the government mandate handicapped parking even in places where it's blatantly inappropriate? Like at the KFC--hey, fatty! You don't need greasy chicken! Especially not if you already have a physical condition!
Same with sporting goods stores, gyms, very large stores like Wal-Mart (yeah, like somebody with a disability that prevents them from parking in a normal space is going to wander around a 4.5-square mile supercenter...), and all buildings that have long flights of stairs leading up to the front door--like the US Capitol. Dammit, that's just a slap in the face to everyone!
It almost goes without saying, by the way, that most of you have probably never seen a parking lot where all the handicapped spaces are taken. In fact, I personally have never seen a lot where even half of the spaces were filled. What does this tell you? It tells me that handicapped people are being represented by some shrewd-ass lawyers, who got them all sorts of shit they don't need. But the government will never take it back, because, for all our "handicapped people are just like us" rhetoric (you don't really think that, do you?), we are afraid of them. They will say we're Nazis, and assholes, and Republicans. And I, for one, don't want that.
I just want you to think about this. And if you come up with a way to somehow remodel the hornets' nest without getting stung, let me know.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

What's New? Oh, UNC is just #1...

UNC 75
Duke 73

Illinois' loss means UNC will finish the regular season ranked #1.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Holy Shit! I Feel Terrible...

Jesus, do I feel like an asshole. For the last four months, I have been railing on this skinny doofus from Rutgers, James O'Keefe, who bills himself as some sort of conservative wunderkind. He founded the Centurion, a publication backed by rightwing money, that purports to correct the political imbalance at Rutgers University. Now, I could make some kind of "cry me a river, bitches" comment here, but that is too easy. Particularly given O'Keefe's condition.

See, he is apparently retarded.

I never would have guessed this from his writing, which appears to be about average for the pencil-taped-to-the-forehead crowd; no, it was his journal that clued me in. See, he sent me a copy of this month's issue, which contains (incidentally) some stolen work of mine that his nurse must have ganked from this site. It's not cool, but I really can't say that I expect retards to know about complex concepts like ethics or legality. That's what Republicans lecture us about, remember. About the journal: I think he wanted my autograph, but I just feel sick now. Um...just keep your chin up, Jimmy. Uh...you're gonna make it and so forth. Oh, Christ! I just can't do it....

Why? Because if you read the Centurion it becomes apparent very quickly that it's a joke. Somebody at Rutgers has a wicked sense of humor. But, and I stress this, using a retard to produce satire is pretty low. So, whoever you are, you are a funny, funny, sleazy man. Now please leave the 'tard out of it. Yes, your articles are perfect imitations of nonsensical rightwing pablum, but a: it's a one-trick pony and b: if the deep pockets backing the Centurion ever figure it out, you can kiss your future in exploitation and oppression goodbye. I'm trying to help you here.

I have been beating on this O'Keefe guy for a while now, and while I have done worse things (that thing with the firetruck kid was pretty bad), this one is perhaps the most embarrassing. Seriously, this is one funny parody of a fucktard conservative's journal, but now that I've read the whole thing, I cannot in good conscience condone the exploitation of the gullible and innocent. But, before you join me in righteous indignation, do read the back page article about the lack of diversity in faculty ice cream preferences. It's a scream.

That's my mea culpa. Poor kid.


An old favorite

Steaks is High

FYI

Tomorrow, I'm off to Omaha (hence, the pun) to deliver a paper on moral reform in the Progressive Era. SO...enjoy the hospitality of this site for four days until I get back.

Seriously, post whatever you want. I will not have computer access while I'm out of town, so I won't be able to check up on you. And, really, you're a grown man/woman now, and it's time you took on some responsibility. It's time to prove to me that you've learned something. Wipe that look off your face.

In order to get privileges to post on this site, send me an email at trabpukcip1@hotmail.com and I will add you to the "members" list. You will not be able to change any of the settings or alter any of the posts already here, but you will be able to publish articles along the lines of my (ahem) truly awesome work.
Oh, and I'm probably going to erase all your shit when I get back.


Enjoy!

Fucking Awesome

Ha! Finally, proof that Republicans are exactly as stupid as I have always assumed them to be!

After being "outed" as a rational human being by a certain amateur publication (which, incidentally, published one of my many email addresses--although not bobnovakisatraitor@hotmail.com, for some reason), I have received the exact opposite of a torrent of angry letters. I have gotten absolutely nothing. Maybe the spam filter works too well.

Anyway, today one of what I can only presume (or hope) is a horde of teeth-gnashing Rightwank dipshits signed me up to the GOP listserv. From now on, I'll be getting special, "inside" information about the national and state GOP (like that makes a bit of difference in ILLINOIS!) and what they're up to. They didn't even ask me for a loyalty oath; fortunate because, as we all know, the one thing I do not do is stretch the truth.

I cannot thank whoever did this enough. Really. I seem to recall that the funniest part of last year's election was getting on a GOP mailing list and then being invited to special events and teleconferences, where we all whipped out our Kerry gear and rhetoric and shut those motherfuckers down. Ken Mehlman almost stopped blowing his "assistant" long enough to look into the matter, it was that serious.

And now I, your humble writer, have been issued the keys to the kingdom. I'll keep you abreast of the latest ridiculous news from America's favorite hate group, I promise.

Jesus, how the hell did we lose to people this dumb?

Oh, and as a reward, I'm turning "comments" back on when I get back in town. This is the best present I have ever received. (sound of writer choking back tears--or is it vomit?)
Thank you.

Real Original. Idiot!

Oh, I also got a confirmation email from the CP USA (yeah, like I don't know what the commies are doing these days. I'm in the HISTORY DEPARTMENT!!). Unlike the GOP, the reds actually ask if you really want their newsletter (I don't).

Try again. Moron.

Elevating the Public Discourse

Democrat: I'm firmly against the privatization of Social Security, because the President and his advisors stand to make a ton of money off the scheme, and because they have proven in the past to be truly lousy financial planners...

Ann Coulter: Shut up! You are such a baby! Do you ever stop whining and crying? Is this the fate of your party--which is practically dead anyway--that you and your girlie man friends come on TV to act like idiots for a national audience?

Democrat: Why, Ann, are you afraid to address the real issue here?

Ann Coulter: You mean why you are such a limp-wristed, Arab-loving, liberal traitor?

Democrat: OK, well then tell me: how is it that an obvious transsexual like yourself could still have such a gigantic, manly Adam's apple after all that hormone therapy?

Ann Coulter: Stop it! I DEMAND civility here! I will not be spoken to this way--it's people like YOU who have lowered the expectations of the public with regards to political speech, and people like YOU who contribute to the dumbing-down of America!!

Democrat: All right. I'm sorry, Ann.

Ann Coulter: You pussy.

See what we're up against? This is why I will not talk to Republicans. They have no interest whatsoever in holding a conversation. They only want to make you look like a sissy. So, I propose to emasculate them in return by silencing them entirely. They deserve it: the GOP could teach Hitler a lesson in arrogance. Sadly, if this is the order of the day, we cannot be expected to play by a different, superior set of rules. It's time to fight that war of annihilation Karl Rove is always jerking off over.