Brass Balls

In New York last week, wandering the financial district, we passed the giant sculpted bull near Wall Street. Dozens of people were posing for pictures with it (and we think the Chinese calendar with its suggestion of animal worship is weird? sheesh.). In retrospect, I'm sorry I didn't get a picture, because my wife and I both commented on the fact that, as the bull faces north and we were approaching from the south, we got a great view of its gigantic, bronze testicles.

Leaving for a moment the sheer grotesqueness of sculpting a statue with a giant nutsack prominently sticking out from between its legs (and yes, I have seen live bulls, and they have big nuts--but not this big), I had to ask myself, "what has THAT got to do with anything?" Why not just leave it out? Accuracy? What about decency? C'mon, rightwingers, back me up on this!

I recall asking the same thing in other places. In Omaha, NE for example, they have a sculpture of a buffalo downtown, and it has a large, textured, true-to-life asshole. If you are walking up from the wrong direction, the red eye (oh, and it's at eye-level, you can be sure) stares you right in the face. What the fuck?

Or take Chicago, where the Field Museum has a stuffed elephant...
wait a minute! That elephant, formerly alive though it may have been, has no butthole!! It's a real elephant and some decent person, for some odd reason, left off the enormous, gaping, leathery sphincter and equally huge, sagging--dare I say--elephantized nutsack! What were they thinking?! Don't they know that sculptors everywhere have been laboring for years to fashion true-to-life anuses and testicular sacks for their oversized animal projects? Chicago could have become a Mecca for sculptors needing a view of a real elephant perineum--think of the income to be made selling photos and schematic drawings of animal buttholes and balls!