Easter Means Bad TV

For all of us who don't live and die for Christ, Easter weekend sucks every year. It's OK to see the family, and maybe get a little drunk on Jesus' birthday, or bris, or whatever fucking happened on Easter 2000 years ago.

But the Christian takeover of Easter weekend television is just plain wrong. There I was, trapped for three days in a cabled-up house with 276 channels of "Jesus' Real Life" and "Search for Noah's Ark" and "Myths and Mysteries of the Bible" and "Bathsheba: Real Whore or Mythic Whore?"

Look, TV gurus: if I were religious in the orthodox sense, I would spend most of my weekend in church (imagine that!), not watching the Discovery Channel! And, isn't the Discovery Channel supposed to be about science?!? As I am not a churchgoing man, I have lots of time on holiday weekends, particularly, to watch TV, and the last thing I want to fucking watch is some bullshit about whether or not it was goat's blood or pig's blood on the door posts of the Jews' houses in Egypt!!

Fuck. Off. Jesus. Freaks.