Bush Invents Universal Freedom, Blows it Up

Bush in Kyoto:

"In the 21st century, freedom is an Asian value -- because it is a universal value."

Okay then. Freedom was not, prior to the 21st century, a universal value. A number of Enlightenment thinkers fucked that all up then. Or, perhaps, Asia just recently joined the goddamned Universe. Or maybe the Republicans invented freedom, which would explain why they think they have the right to blow it all up with shock and awe ^tm.

And Rumsfeld claims those of us who call for an end to this unjustified war are encouraging insurgents, well, that would imply that staying there is discouraging insurgency. Hmm. So those suicide bombers are actually popping off golden beams of happy sunshine, then. Lying bastard, I hope you fuck off before you die.

Happy Holidays and Let's Sue Santa

The main complaint against Edwards around here is the knee-jerk "He's a lawyer." Yeah, I guess being trained to build and evaluate sound arguments is a horrible quality for a politician, what with its ability to prevent hoodwinking everybody into perpetual war and all. Interesting, though, is how being "litigious" is often superimposed on being "liberal" (whatever the hell that means).

Maybe this vacuous yet effective rhetorical trick has something to do with the ACLU, though I do recall them supporting the medical privacy rights of a certain uber-conservative two-minute-hate proponent awhile back. So, in all fairness and in the name of equal time, let's look at how our dear Christian Soldier Rev. Falwell is kicking off the holiday season.

He's launched a "Friend or Foe" campaign to "file suit against anyone who spreads what it sees as misinformation about how Christmas can be celebrated in schools and public spaces." I guess we need to revise the Ten Commandments, adding "Thou shalt sue with frivolity" between the equally relevant "Thou shalt fundraise without ceasing" and "Thou shalt tell thy daughter she can't do math or have good sex." Keep up the Lord's good work, fella. The widows and orphans laud your commitment to social justice!

I've a precious affirmation for you, Falwell, which I'm thinking of printing onto some Christmas cards. May the modern world piss in your stocking. From a fella who looked a lot like Santa:

The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in embryo, the criticism of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.

-Introduction to A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right by you-know-who.

I Mean, My God

So our Fearless Leader can't even find an exit. Great. Thank goodness he went to China instead of a dark movie theater or an elementary school having a fire drill. Jesus fucking shit: Gerald Ford, a sweet and well-meaning guy ('cept for that whole pardon for Nixon bit), falls down the stairs of Air Force One one freaking time and he's an idiot for life. Bush fucks up over, and over, and over again, on simple tasks that trained animals can do one hundred times out of one hundred chances, and he's still the boss. Just goes to show you how venal American humor has always been: pick on the weak ones for your jokes. The strong ones might actually fight back.

Of Time Lags and the Fabric of Reality

For some unknown reason, it seems to take long periods of time for the people charged with (or self-appointed to) investigate such things as wars and elections to get in gear. Just the other day, for instance, as Jamie writes below, a US Senator "discovered" that he had been given false information before voting on the authorization of force against Iraq. Smooth move, Mr. Edwards. That was in 2003, wasn't it? I guess we can expect your analysis of the Plame affair by 2009.

When it comes to elections, we haven't got it much better. Anomalies and mathematical impossibilities keep popping up, and we are approaching the logic point where we have to decide whether the election of 2004 was definitely, absolutely stolen by the Republican Party, or whether these anomalies are the result of tears in the space-time continuum that signal some greater looming problem. Perhaps a complete reversal of time? All atoms exploding at the speed of light? The earth imploding like the house at the end of Poltergeist?

Or, I suppose, we could just keep putting together the pieces for the indictment of American Republicans and their love of fixing elections. Either option, though, leads to a dystopian nightmare. At least being sucked into a black hole and having our matter tugged and rent into infinitely small particles is quick and relatively painless, unlike watching helplessly as democracy gets gang raped by the GOP.

Edwards Fumbles for Balls, Finds One of Them

John Edwards on Iraq:

I was wrong. Almost three years ago we went into Iraq to remove what we were told -- and what many of us believed and argued -- was a threat to America. But in fact we now know that Iraq did not have weapons of mass destruction when our forces invaded Iraq in 2003. The intelligence was deeply flawed and, in some cases, manipulated to fit a political agenda.

Good job, Senator, and way to show some of that "personal responsibility" the Elephants are so often wanking about in public, but not actually practicing, like the good Pharisees they are.

It was a mistake to vote for this war in 2002. I take responsibility for that mistake. It has been hard to say these words because those who didn't make a mistake -- the men and women of our armed forces and their families -- have performed heroically and paid a dear price.

Thanks, Edwards, for demonstrating some spine. Emerson would be proud – foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, et cetera. I'll silence myself on the heroism bit, but at least someone in Washington almost found both thy balls.

George Bush won't accept responsibility for his mistakes. Along with Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, he has made horrible mistakes at almost every step: failed diplomacy; not going in with enough troops; not giving our forces the equipment they need; not having a plan for peace.

Damn. So close, yet so far. Not going in with enough troops, Edwards? Surely you meant "going in, period," right? Not having a plan for peace? John, please get on down here with the rest of your NC brothers and sisters. Let's sit down by the campfire with a COC record and some beer. We'll show you how to enunciate "Bush is a liar. The Iraq war was, is, and will always be wrong. We Fucked Up, on a grand scale. Get the fuck out. NOW!" It's not so hard, I promise. You're almost there, brother. Let's find that other ball, shall we?

Viva La Ciencia

From the AP, U.S. State Department denies visa for a Cuban scientist to receive an award for his work:

"Verez-Bencomo led a team that developed a vaccine for Haemophilus influenza type B, also known as Hib, a bacteria that causes meningitis and pneumonia. The diseases kill up to 700,000 children worldwide each year."

Wealthy western nations already developed a similar, but more expensive vaccine. The vaccine created by Verez-Bencomo et al is a much more affordable alternative for underdeveloped nations, with the potential to "save millions of lives." The rocket surgeons at the U.S. State Dept., however, deemed his visa request to receive due praise as "detrimental to the interests of the United States." Would it be a non sequitur to conclude, then, that our interests are letting millions of brown children die of preventable diseases?

So, on behalf of us yanks who aren't total dickheads unable to distinguish between political leaders and medical researchers, who don't feel the need to demonize every resident of every country not like ours, who are mature enough to realize that we fuck up too (even, ironically, in our own little piece of Cuba), I'd like to give a big thanks to Mr. Verez-Bencomo. The ingenuity of Cuban medical researchers here is laudable, and also points to important variables that developing countries have to deal with in drug development.

And to the U.S. State Dept., ya'll might want to grow up and learn when to put your differences aside in the name of medical science. Has it occurred to you that H5N1 is most prevalent in mostly poor countries in Southeast Asia – countries with governments we don't always agree with? This sort of myopic thinking can only serve to thwart progress in fighting potential pandemics like H5N1. Further, considering a Republican energy policy suitable for bringing tropical weather – and tropical diseases like dengue fever – to the Eastern seaboard, we might want to form some alliances with Cuban doctors. We might need their expertise in creating cheap and effective drugs.

Whaaaa?...Election?

I think this says it all about Texas. From the AP:

"Voters in the Texas community of White Settlement, named 160 years ago after white settlers moved into a mostly Indian area, emphatically rejected a proposal to change the town's name to West Settlement."

And I can understand how they came to this decision, since, you know, sometimes I just want to be a racist fuckhead and ain't nobody gonna tell me differ'nt.

There's a caption on AmericaBlog right now that reads "It's a Bad Day to be a Republican Bigot," which I suppose means by implication that it's a great day to be a Democratic bigot. So, seizing upon that notion, suck my balls Texas, you racist shithole of a state. You are America's greatest enemy. If you live in Texas, move away.

Is Our Children Learning?

From this week's News of the Weird:

The museum at Cherepovets, Russia (about 400 miles north of Moscow), recently introduced a collection of items actually used by students for successfully cheating in school, including a pair of women's panties on which logarithms and math formulas had been written upside down in black ink. Also on display: a sports jacket with (according to a September dispatch in the Chronicle of Higher Education) "enough secret mechanisms to keep a cardshark flush for decades" and a jeans skirt with 70 numbered pockets for cheat sheets. [Chronicle of Higher Education, 9-16-05]

No, no, no! What, precisely, does a Master's of Education make one a "master" of? "Cardshark"?! What the bloody shit is a "cardshark"!?! Do you suppose the writer meant "cardsharp," which has the benefit of being an actual word, or do you think he really meant "cardshark"--like "poolshark," which is a pun and makes sense--and he's trying to put a new term into the lexicon?

Ahem: "In historical linguistics, etymology is the study of the origins of words. Some words have been derived from other languages, possibly in a changed form (the source words are called "etymons"). The etymology of the term "card sharp" is debated. A popular theory is that it comes from the German word Scharper, which in one sense means swindler. Another theory, which is likely fake etymology, is that card sharp is a degenerate form of card shark, which itself is an analogy to the term pool shark. In actuality, the reverse is probably true: card sharp is the original term, and card shark is a back formation."

Thank you, Wikipedia.

A cardsharp, or cardsharper, engages in cardsharping--a form of sleight of hand--to win at cards. In other words, he's a cheat. A poolshark uses superior skill to take money from gullible opponents. To me, there appears to be a large difference.

To the Chronicle of Higher Education (I suppose anything above grade five IS pretty high...), there is apparently no difference, just as there is apparently no difference between an editor and a bungler. Perhaps the Chronicle sees "sharks" everywhere. Maybe we can get in on the ground floor of this linguistic movement: I can see a future where every word has some "shark" reference in it. Like in the military, we could call riflemen "sharkshooters," or Jews could call crazy Goyim "mesharkkah." I believe Bush should get John Sharklisharkvili out of retirement to be the head of the National Sharkurity Agency, and that people would be truly sharked to find out that the ice caps of Antsharktica are melting due to global warming. The rising sea levels mean only one thing: a return to Noah's Shark.

Do you get it, Chronicle of Higher Education, or do you need this demonstration to continue? Words have meaning, clearly, which is the last thing I thought I would have to teach to a bunch of fucking teachers!

God Bless Argentina

From The Guardian, former soccer player Diego Maradona:
"I'm proud as an Argentine to repudiate the presence of this human trash, George Bush."

Beats the hell out of our celebrity statement of the fall, "Bush don't care 'bout black people." Bush doesn't care about anybody, so shut up with the conspiracy theories. Take notes, Donkey Party, and start flailing those hind legs in the face of the party whose ethical system aligns itself only with that of . . . Anton LaVey is the closest comparison. That's the sort of language you should have been using this time last year.

It's right there in your lap, fellas. From a PIPA survey:

A new poll finds that a majority of Americans reject the idea of using military force to promote democracy. Only 35% favored using military force to overthrow dictators. Less than one in five favored the US threatening to use military force if countries do not institute democratic reforms.
-snip-
Seventy-four percent (including 60% of Republicans) said that the goal of overthrowing Iraq’s authoritarian government and establishing a democracy was not a good enough reason to go to war.

Yeah, that's why Bush et al didn't use that as their reason, but instead chose to spew forth putrid lies from their gaping maws. Way past time for frank speech, as Cornel West would say. This administration is full of liars, criminals, murderous war-mongers and incompetents. The only way they could win another election would be through election fraud . . .

One Asshole to Another

A friend, who unfortunately shares a name with a certain right-wing columnist, suggests the following maneuver be executed upon sighting our Dear Leader on the television:

Assemble family
Drop pants
Moon the President

If enough people do it, it might just become a movement.

Let Your Anger do the Talking

More on the attempt--by this country's Republican Party--to make everyone's vote meaningless. GOP flatheads ought to be very afraid: even the rank-and-file stand to lose their voice if stolen elections are acceptable. The Republican in the White House, in fact, seems at the moment not to care much about his "base" or anybody else that voted for him. Could it be because he envisions a future where "elections" are the result of computer programs and not public desire? Who needs voters?

See the end of the article and, if you have a minute, write to E&P and ask them to get on the stick.

Duke Sucks.

Everybody Move to the Back of the Bus

Hopefully, everyone in America has by now seen OutKast's video for the song "Rosa Parks"--it features an old, presumably southern, black man playing a blues harmonica, various black dancers doing shuck-n-jive moves, Andre 3000 and Big Boi dressed in ridiculous, "ghetto fabulous" outfits with ostrich feather boas, sheepskin chaps, cowboy hats, football shoulder pads, and on and on. The entire things is very, very slick and very, very uncomfortable for the viewer. Just what, exactly, are they trying to say, particularly with their chorus that includes the line "A-ha, hush that fuss; everybody move to the back of the bus"?

Personally, I thought, upon seeing it for the first time in about 2000 or so, that it was the most brilliant satire of black culture and the most vicious comment on the willful ignorance of blacks towards their political agency and manipulation of black political power by white culture. In other words, it perfectly captured the infuriating dilemma that was Rosa Parks.

To Ms. Parks' credit, and she apparently could really miss a point, the Civil Rights figurehead sued the living hell out of OutKast and won. What, exactly, she won, I have no idea.

I "met" Rosa Parks once, in 1996 or '97 at my high school, which was 75% nonwhite at that time (the number has since gone up) in an auditorium with 2000 of my closest, blackest friends. She was about 86 years old and not too friendly. In fact, I think I can honestly say she was a complete bitch: sharp tongue, short fuse, shoulder clearly displaying upon itself a large chip.

During the assembly proper, we were told, in exactly these words, to sit down and shut the fuck up. It was always thus at West Charlotte High (or, to the white trash in Mecklenburg County, "West Chocolate High"): we had a first-time principal who took it as his mission, as had a dozen overmatched honchos before him, to whip the "no respect" black kids into shape and in so doing achieve nothing less than a miracle. In so aspiring, however, "Dr." Simmons triggered a backlash from the white, liberal parents who voluntarily bused their kids across the city to honor their parents' commitment to integration. Racial equality be damned! Noblesse oblige, like slaveowning, cannot be legitimated from within; it requires validation from the black students, as with the slaves, in the form of expressions of gratitude and servility.

Simmons fucked that all up. An Afro-centric high school? Nigger, please.

Rosa Parks stepped into this maelstrom ready to inspire some young delinquents to rise above their very real circumstances. Judging by her speech, inspiration used to come with a quick backhand and lots of insults. She was, truly, a horrible woman on the dais. She railed on, shamed, and ridiculed all of us, but particularly the black students. I'm not certain she saw or cared that there were a few white kids in the room. When it came time to ask questions, only black students were chosen.

But I had a question. Poor historian that I then was, I had read my textbook in 11th grade American history very carefully and I knew that Rosa Parks was not the first black woman to refuse to give up her seat on the bus; she was merely the best-connected and least problematic of the potential standard-bearers of protest. An earlier case centering around Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old who also refused to move and was arrested, was dropped unceremoniously by the NAACP after she became pregnant out of wedlock (bringing a special note of irony to the words of the woman who coached her and helped her carry out the action: "Always do what's right." That person, by the way, was Rosa Parks.). My question for Ms. Parks was whether she thought that students ought to be learning a version of American history that was based on happy little fairytales about people who "just got the idea in their heads" to change the world, or whether some sense of political ability and intent was required. In short, wouldn't it be better if students learned that the world is not made of heroes and innocents but rather of politics?

I never got to ask my question. And, for good measure, most of us were dismissed from the assembly but a small group was selected to stay and catch, as it were, the poison pearls falling from the lips of the icon. There were no white students in the handpicked group.

The death of Rosa Parks has brought this episode back to the surface of my mind, as I continue to wonder about the histories of heroes and saints, virgin births and shibboleths. Is popular memory just history with the politics left out? Isn't the modern study of history just history with the politics left out?

The day after she spoke, our psychology class had a substitute teacher, an out-of-towner named Mr. Fischman. He drove to school on Beatties Ford Rd., which runs all the way from cracker town, Huntersville, into the ghetto of west Charlotte. On the way, as he drew near the school, he noticed streets named for famous African Americans (they mark a subdivision of tract homes, by the way. So, much as crappy white subdivisions have themed streets--oak, maple, elm, walnut, etc.--so too do black ones; theirs are just named after idealized people, sometimes.). He saw Rosa Parks St. and was curious, so his first question to us, an "advanced" class full, naturally, of gleaming white children representing a full 10% of the white enrollment in the school, was "who is Rosa Parks?"

We thought, of course, that he was joking. Or, perhaps, he was psyching us out--you know, because it was "psychology" class and all. But he was serious. And we had to explain it to him, along with the fact that she had just been to our school the day prior. He didn't believe us. Sometimes, I don't believe what I saw, either. And those times, I think I prefer to be lied to.