"But, We Used To Be Crypto-Hateful!"

Some crybaby fucktard at Andrew Sullivan's page (one guess which party the fucktard is a member of) whines that it isn't fair to hearken all the way back to 1994, the supposed Republican Revolution, the takeover of American politics by a third-rate history prof from a fourth-rate college, the handover by the libs of all that was sacred and holy and that actually worked so that the GOP could "starve" it and beat the citizenry until it agreed that government was not the answer and they came to this realization all on their own (but the beatings helped); ...anyway where was I, oh yes: it isn't fair to look at 1994 as the beginning of the unmitigated disaster of Republicanism that we now observe. See, the GOP wasn't always crazy, so, uh, give it a break because it now is...? I don't know what the fucktard's point is.

Supposedly, 1994 was built on "positive" feelings and pro-something policies, like welfare reform, ethics reform, and spending reform. And that is true, if we view 1994 the same as a shame-filled Republican donkey who isn't accustomed to thinking deeply or inwardly about anything.

I remember 1994, those halcyon days of my 16th year, as being about demonizing black mothers (that old "welfare reform" bit, you know), poor people ("workfare" will teach them...that it was much better to be under welfare), Democrats (they're all a bunch of philanderers, you know. Right, Henry Hyde? Would you like to ask the president a question? Or you, Newt?), and "starving the beast" so it, the American government, the shining beacon of reason, liberty, and freedom to the entire world, could be "dragged into the bathroom and drowned in the bathtub" by Grover Norquist, a person whose nerd rage undoubtedly stems from the fact that he has never gotten laid ever.

No, that whole grab-bag of demonizing policies isn't hateful or crazy. Just because Republicans chose to call it the "Contract with America," which is meaningless, and chose at that moment to explicitly split the nation into real and fake parts, and roll up the notion of the silent majority into the party's strategic message, heck, that should never be mistaken for loony, divisive, pandering bullshit! It was all about good feelings, y'all, the same ones you have after leaving the hospital where you told your wife you were kicking her and the kids out while she was receiving cancer treatment. I mean, manly, Christian good feelings. The kind all Americans, REAL Americans, can relate to. No connection whatsoever to the present mindset of the GOP.

In all seriousness, in 1994 the Republicans tried to change the paradigm of American politics and succeeded. But they changed it by shoving everything downward, discourse, policies, ideas, everything. They eschewed expertise and shat on the promise and real success of government -- even while they fought tooth-and-nail to control the government (truly they were visionaries. Or hypocrites.). But to say that the seeds of the current insanity were not on full display in the small-minded, crude, culture war-as-political party policies of 1994 is like saying that the craziest GOP reps today must, by deductive reasoning, be 15 years old or younger, because 1994 didn't create them or even influence them. Happy 15th birthday, Sue Myrick!

Historians will write about our age someday. I doubt they will skip over 1994 as Sullivan's reader hopes, roping it off as some kind of sacred period of good feelings that, in its holier-than-thou attitude and effect somehow was unconnected to the batshit crazy level of paranoia and sense of entitlement of Republicans in the new millennium.

The Responsibility to Boo

Last weekend, the Carolina Hurricanes played back-to-back games against the Flyers and the Sharks. Carolina, which had 97 points last season and beat both New Jersey and Eastern Conference top seed Boston in consecutive seven-game series, on the road both times, brought back the young core of that team with good, economical contracts and also revamped a shaky defense and got bigger and tougher in the offseason.

After 13 games, Carolina has 2 wins. 7 points. A league-worst 50 goals allowed, against just 28 for. The Hurricanes were outscored 11-2 by Philly and San Jose on Saturday and Sunday, extending a losing streak to 9 (count 'em) games and prompting the GM to publicly talk about making changes so early into the season that the team has absolutely no leverage but is in full-on panic mode.

Through it all, though, the home fans have been, well, great. Huh. They keep coming to the games and filling seats. They cheer when the team is down. They don't even seem to mind that Carolina has taken the most penalties in the NHL, an amazing 22 minutes per game on average, which means the Hurricanes are theoretically short-handed for one third, a whole fucking period, of the game. And then some.

Well people, I hate to tell you: good fans boo when their team plays like a bunch of retards.

Some examples of poor decisions that would not be tolerated by fans with a little more anger: Carolina spends a lot of time when it rarely gets a powerplay stuck in its own zone. Boos rain down like Don Cherry's spittle in other arenas when the home team, with 5 skaters, is being pushed around by a team with only 4. If the Canes actually manage to get into the opponent's zone with the advantage, they almost always pass the puck back and forth at the blueline or try to cycle behind the net, which is like saying, "I don't want this scoring chance, you have it!" And that's pretty much the whole plan; Carolina sometimes doesn't even get 1 shot on net in a 2 minute powerplay.

There are many other problems, too. Star goalie Cam Ward has completely forgotten how to move laterally, surrendering at least 5 goals that I can remember this season to opponents who lobbed a shot at his side from the goal line. That's so weak, it's boo-worthy. Ward has also begun diving on his face when a shooter goes glove side on a breakaway -- why? How does that cut off the net? Boo! Line changes have been glacially slow; passes are all behind the targets; Carolina insists on dumping the puck in even with manpower; no one is intentionally blocking shots; and every goddamn offensive and defensive movement is to the back of the net -- I have had it up to here with the misbegotten idea, only still in favor in Carolina, by the way -- that you can run plays from behind a net. You can't. You can get bottled-up back there, since it's the smallest area on the ice, though, and the other team can take the puck away from you. Figure it out! No matter the circumstances, the Hurricanes are too deep whenever there's a puck around the net; they're also like tee ball kids when it comes to pursuit -- everyone, a forward, a defenseman, just chases the puck together, in a big, clumsy pack. What's the point?

Hurricanes players are quite frank in their assessments of the play so far. They admit they have sucked. But they replay the same game again the next night; Saturday's and Sunday's games were almost identical numbnuts festivals from my perspective.

When an athlete tries to do a job and not only fails, but miserably so, and in the process aids in his own failure to the extent that almost any other behavior would be preferable to what he's doing, it's time to boo.