Fireboys, Wannabe Fireboys, and Rednecks

There is a blog out there devoted to firetrucks and EMS vehicles. It's not bad on the visuals, but it's lousy with breathless description. Now, a kid's fascination with loud sirens and death is natural, I think, and in that context it would be a sin to tell the child to get a fucking clue. But, contrary to the comments left above, the site clearly is being run by grownups, with the kid(s) along for the ride. Looking at it that way makes me wonder: what kind of responsible person would allow a child to worship firemen? Or their trucks? (That's just sad).
See, the problem with firemen is that they don't do anything. Most of their time is spent sitting around "eating spaghetti-o's and watching porn," as someone once said. And, of course, sucking the municipal clock. But, good news, the firemen do drive the truck, which costs about $1,000 to crank, to the grocery store when they make a spaghetti-o's run. Because, you know, there might be a fire or something. At the store. Or something.
Look, I used to live a few blocks from a firehouse. The station was about two hundred feet away from the grocery store. Those assholes still drove the firetruck to the goddamn store. NOT because they didn't want to walk. NOT because they bought a lot of groceries. NOT because they liked or cared about wasting public money. But because they wanted everyone to see them in their shiny red truck. See? They also have a morbid fascination with the woo-woo trucks. And a fixation on things that look (and squirt) like big phalluses. And they want you to know that they know that you ought to worship them as "heroes" because they...um...just are, OK? Now, start worshipping goddammit!!
And this gets to the heart of the problem. Have you ever seen a volunteer firefighter? Saddest people in the world. As volunteers, unpaid workers, they will festoon their trucks (their personal vehicles, now) with stickers, flags, and a light bar, just so you know they're sort-of-kind-of-maybe-like firemen. And yes, they all drive trucks, mostly Chevy and Ford full-size duallys. Which they bought just for this reason. When you see a rednecky-looking guy in a dually, and it doesn't have a ridiculous goddamn light bar and nine thousand stickers on it, that's a volunteer firefighter whose application is on hold.
Finally, firefighters are first responders. This is the part, if you don't care about the incredible pork-barrel waste of public money, that you might be personally interested in. As first responders, firemen get to take the 911 calls as they see fit. Before police or medics show up, you always get a goddamn firetruck. What the fuck are you going to do with a firetruck at a bank robbery? How many times do they fire up that engine and drive to a call where a cop or an ambulance would have been more useful? If I'm dying, I don't want a fucking fireman giving me CPR; I want the speedier ambulance and its far more competent EMS workers to give me CPR--and a lift to the hospital. I don't want bratwurst, lesbian jokes, or a trip to the grocery store, so lose the firemen!
Now, you'll say, firemen ARE medics. Well, in some places. In Chicago, for instance, the city gave all the EMS services to private companies and to the fire department. The firemen now drive ambulances. Why? Because the rotten bastards didn't have enough to do to justify their existence otherwise. This is part of the reason that they are also first responders: they have nothing else to do. This, it seems to me, is political. They pulled some strings and now they look busy. They aren't, of course, but they look it.
To wrap up: any parent worth a damn would sit their kids down and tell them, "Son/Daughter, I want great things for you. I want you to be a helpful, productive member of society. Not a thief, or a malingerer, or a braggart. I want you to always do what you can to help others and to keep our nation financially sound and it's people healthy. In other words, Son/Daughter, don't be a fireman!"