Post Office Creates Black Market

Postal rates are going up again, and I, for one, am fully in support. I feel certain that, this time, the Post Office will use the extra cash to recruit only the best, most friendly, and efficient personnel. Unlike that cunt who currently (mis)delivers my mail (rain, sleet, and snow she can deal with; she apparently cannot deliver mail when there's booze to be drunk). Or her friend over at the counter at the actual office, the lady who doesn't speak or respond to customer queries.

It is awfully strange, though, that the rate to mail a letter keeps increasing, since the PO makes so much of its money off of selling shipping supplies and additional services, like insurance, delivery confirmation, etc.

That, and the fact that the PO made over $5 billion in profits from 1995-2000 (then saw a dip in income after 9/11--but hey, nobody's psychic, except all those friends of George HW Bush, who sold their airline stock on 9/10). But last year the USPS put $250 million in escrow and reported a profit of $26 million for the year. Not bad for a corporation built on shitty service!

Now that we have those convenient tubes, the internets, which, barring trucks full of information getting stuck in them, allow us all to pay our bills and communicate via that medium--making the Postal Service superfluous. So I see the need for higher rates, so that poor people--the ones without computers, online checking, credit cards, etc.--will be penalized for their unforgivable refusal to join the affluent society. The food tax really ought to go up, too, just to teach them a lesson...

But, the USPS has opened the door to a new and exciting business opportunity for Americans with a little money and time on their hands. The Post Office hears your teeth-gnashing and clothes-rending in response to the rate hike, and it feels you, dog. So it's going to issue a new "forever" stamp that will always be good for a first-class letter, no matter the going rate for postage.

This, my friends, is an invitation to the black market. Buy $20,000 worth of "forever" stamps at $0.41 apiece (the new postal rate) and sit on them for five years. By that time, the rate will be at least $0.42, which is a profit for you if you sell your stamps at just below the new rate, say for $0.419 apiece, of almost $200.

Not much, granted. But, if the rate goes up any more, you only profit more. Let's say that stamps cost $0.50 in five years--not unlikely, as the internet and, frankly, better delivery companies like UPS eat away at USPS. That's $1,600 profit for you if you sell stamps at $0.49 apiece. It's still more than you'd make with a savings account. Preying on society is awesome.