Black Snake Groan

First things first: I've always had a thing for Christina Ricci. So it should come as no suprise to me that I almost killed myself on the west side of the Gastonia. I remember it like it was yesterday. While driving home after a long day in the cabinet mines in Shelby I saw a billboard and almost found myself in the ditch.

At the top of the hill in Bessemer City I beheld a billboard with her in chains and torn clothes a la I Spit On Your Grave. Holding the smart end of the chain was my man, the greatest black actor since Danny Glover, Samuel L. Jackson. Finally a movie that has created, on the big screen, one of my many fantasies--you know, if I was Samuel L. Jackson.

Then my world came crashing down. I read a review of the movie in question and it turns out that not only do you not see Christina Ricci moan you also do not see Samuel L Jackson's black snake! And we all know that he is packing a cannon. This billboard is misleading. For that I give it a 3. But for giving me a boner that almost ended my life I will give it a 7.

Cumming Soon: TMNT