Bill James, Incontinent antichrist

Bill James, vanguard of modern democracy and Draconian Mosaic Law, has taken issue with possible election fraud in Lesser Whore of Babylon, otherwise known as Charlotte. The problem? 464 voters registering using – gasp! – corporate addresses as their residence. For shame! Screw Ohio and Florida, this is the real problem. Thanks, Bill, for jumping on this very important breach in the integrity of our electoral system. (I should mention, as a marginally relevant aside, that these voters are homeless). "If I have to disclose an address and you have to disclose an address, then ... so do they," James said. Hey, shithead, homeless people don't have an address – that's kinda sorta what being fucking homeless means, which might explain why they're using the physical addresses of places like the Salvation Army on their registration. But thank you Bill, for alleviating the burden of participatory democracy from our homeless neighbors.

By law, these people have the right to request a hearing about this. James, faithful public servant that he is, promises to be at any and all of the hearings: "I said I am going to bring a thermos of coffee and a supply of Depends undergarments if that's necessary." So what you are saying, Bill, is that the piss and shit spewing from your mouth is equal to that which comes out of your posterior, and you can't control either orifice? Is that what ya'll mean when you say "fair and balanced?"

New Rule: Anybuddy running on the Sky-God Morality platform must use Dietrich Bonhoeffer's exposition on the Sermon on the Mount as their source code of morality. There's my bipartisanship, and therein lies the real meaning of responsibility, asshole.