Racking My Brains (It Only Takes a Second)

It's hard to be funny. I (think I) have made a career out of being humorous at all times, except when I'm angry, and then I'm a bastard. Not a real career, because I have never made any money from it. And, not the kind of funny where I could do standup comedy, because I really need another person to play off of, or at least a group of subjects to ridicule. Frankly, I do crowd humor and it only really works when I know the audience or when people can look at something and listen to witty, if involved and sometimes too setup-intensive, comments from me at the same time.
But, on a larger scale, being funny often gets in the way of actual conversation, and it's really not the funny person's fault, because when somebody is trying to be serious they tend to say things that make great puns and cannot be passed up for that very reason. The serious person will find no humor in that. It's really a shame, since the funny person literally has to make fun of the serious one, because hey, who knows when the opportunity will present itself again?
Of course, the opportunity presents itself every single time you talk to somebody and they're trying to be serious. But, how do you know that this won't be the last time you get a chance to be funny? You don't. And that's why everybody hates talking to you. Because you have no sense of propriety or restraint.
No funny person ought ever to apologize for it, since--goddammit, we could all get hit by a bus tomorrow (and that would be funny, too)--because there are many, many people, mainly in academia, who are the unfunniest motherfuckers you would never want to meet. They will sap your funny and stare at you like a freak when you say something brilliant. And they do not get funnier with alochol, just more intent on talking about esoteric, egghead crap that nobody cares about but everybody wants to nod and "mmm-hmmm" over. That is a denial of life, and those people are one collective sack of dicks for acting that way. Who lives like that? Why aren't suicide rates higher among academics? Because they don't know what they're missing--they're defective--that's why.
Anyway, I'm working on it.