Final Thought About John Madden

OK, this is the last word I'll ever say about John Madden and his lousy announcer skills: I once heard him call a game in which he let the following slip out of his overstuffed, barely-holding-back-the-puke gullet: "So BOOM! dis guy here takes out da corner and den BANG! da guy with da ball goes zip-zip up da middle and...he only had...one, two, dis guy here--four, five guys to beat and he woulda had a touchdown!"
Yes, John, and if he were the only guy on the whole field, he would have scored, too. In a way, every player has only eleven other guys to beat, right?
So, the next time life kicks you in the balls, just think, "I only had--what? one more kick to the nuts to avoid?" That'll cheer you up.