The Truth Comes Out

Remember back when Karl Rove quit, and everybody was all like, "High five!" No? Sure you do. You just forgot a little bit because you were convinced at the time that his leaving the government would mean that things would get better, or at least not any worse. But that didn't happen, so your brain sort of scrubbed that notion and now when you hear "Karl Rove" you act like you never wanted to watch him drown in a bucket of malmsey.

Rove was often referred to as "Bush's Brain," to refresh your memory, but this could not be true for two reasons: Bush already has a brain that contains the answer to all of his troubles: his father's telephone number. And, Bush and Rove are not puppet and master, but rather two well-matched, malevolent morons, one with a face that would stop a clock at ninety yards and the other an affable drunk.

But anyhow, Rove resigned his post as Bush's massively overrated advisor (how much skill, really, does it take to yell "liberal!" or "bitch!" or "black liberal bitch!" at your political opponents?) and went home to, as the Onion put it, spend more time smearing his own family. In reality, however, Rove hasn't even left the office. He now appears at least as frequently as he ever did before on national television shows and in national newspapers, only now he's the free, unfettered voice of experience, issuing dire warnings to us all about what the Democrats are "really" going to be like if they're elected to the White House.

His most important message: Democrats are liars and have a pathological need to embellish, distort, parse, and torture the truth.

Given his own outrageous work for a president who was drilled to lie, lie about his lies, then lie about lying about lies, I will extend this bit of charity to the bag of shit that is Karl Rove: when he says he knows all about liars and lying, you can be sure he is the world's all-time expert. And, unfortunatley for him, therefore also the least qualified advocate for truth-telling in all of human history.


*Speaking of conservatives and the stupid things they say, I keep hearing rightwingers chittering that a President Obama or Clinton would be terribly, terribly expensive. They'd raise taxes, and pay for health care out of government funds, and fix levees and bridges and such, and lots of other things that Americans sort of need in order to live, but it would cost gobs of money!

Can conservatives not hear themselves? Have their minds grown weary of listening to the nonsense coming from their hero-God-President and just fried the pathways that conduct sound from their ears to their brains? Can they read?

"Expensive"? Really? Really?! Iraq-War-expensive, you fucking subhuman garbage??!

I thought not.