Runny Cunts

Bicyclists

American League baseball

Midwesterners. If you do not care to discuss the weather, traffic, or Big Ten sports, you are of no use to them. When they are alone at home, do they just stare at the walls? There's no "there" there.

The Chicago Transit Authority. 30 minutes to catch a fucking bus?! And when it arrives, it is with 2 other buses, apparently convoying for safety, ever wary of a sneak attack from an Iraqi pavement torpedo? I'm only one man, CTA; I can only ride one bus at a time. If you spaced them out--say, by following your own schedule--people could shave 20 minutes off their commute.

Soccer, Jesus, and the Tour de France: all RunCun's and all gay. In the case of the cyclists, Floyd Landis proves they have to take testosterone, they're so girlie.

Scientific studies. Who gave Rush University a grant to study 3rd shift workers' sleep patterns? News flash: they sleep all the fucking time. And they chain smoke, chug coffee, take drugs, slam 22-ounce Buds on their lunch breaks, and inhale sawdust, metal dust, lint, and chemicals. None of which, incidentally, am I allowed to do as part of the study. But I am tired as hell and the $1800 paycheck looks like a bad deal right now. Stupid science. I'm switching to Jesus. At least he's gay, so maybe I can get a reach-around while I'm saying my prayers.