Your Country Needs You!

The Army is falling short of its quota of 80,000 fresh units of malleable young balls of play-doh for its Fun Factory of Civil War. A good patriot commenter at Op. Yellow Elephant has a great idea – get a stack of recruitment fliers and place them on the windshields of trucks bearing W support stickers. We are responsible for letting those folks know just how much they can support their feckless leader. Said commenter wondered where to get those fliers.

Allow me to assist. Go to your local community college bulletin board. There you will find a big rack of recruitment literature right where the ads for internships and jobs should be, but aren't. Take all those fliers, and head right over to the parking lot of the nearest Baptist church or Dean and Deluca. This is a far more efficient recruitment method – targeting the progeny of wealthy and obedient Republicans. Most of them already have the necessary skills for being a good little warrior – experience driving a Hummer, an aversion to questioning, years of practicing prisoner abuse tactics by date-raping cheerleaders, and an innate ability to handle high levels of cognitive dissonance. Many of them even come with their own guns!

Upon completion, reward yourself for supporting the war effort and cleaning up your local college by printing out a copy of the Solomon Amendment, shove it deep into your ass, then pull it out and mail it to Rumsfeld (actually don't, that's probably not legal, but then being a murderous liar isn't legal either).