Found in the Computer Lab

"June 22, 1892 was like any other day for Ricky. Working on a farm in the South under an oppressive system and barely maintaining a subsistence standard of living, Ricky had limited options. He could not escape his conditions--leaving the farm was not an option. But through acts of subtle resistance, Ricky, along with his fellow workers on the farm, was able to renegotiate the power structure and shape their lives--even if only in a minor way. His story is that of many in the South that you may be familiar with except for one thing...Ricky was a pet. Specifically, and ant on an ant farm!

"Hello friendly reader and welcome to my seminar paper!! I hope you like excitement and intrigue because you are in for all you can eat! And if you liked Ricky's story then you are in for a real treat! This paper seeks to make a major contribution to the exciting new field of "noun" history; that is, the study of people, places, and/or things. More specifically, this paper will be situated in the even more exciting and expanding field of "pet history." The history of pets in the United States is grossly under-studied. This is absolutely preposterous because pets have played a major role in the history of this country. Not only were pets present at the very event which founded this country--the American Revolution--but there was a pet in the vicinity of every major military battle, political campaign, election/Supreme Court case, labor conflict, and social movement in the history of the universe. Thus, while EP Thompson was content to leave pets in the dustbin of history, I have decided to rescue pets from the condescending pile of trash of posterity.

"My work is organized into several wonderful sections. The first, "Cats and Lions: the social construction of pets," examines the process by which certain animals became socially constructed as pets. I pose the simple question, "Why are lions not pets?--they may be bigger but that means more to cuddle with." The next section, "See Spot Run...For the White House," argues that pets, and particularly dogs, have played a crucial role in presidential campaigns. That section is followed by "Dog Eat Dog: the role of pets in the Civil War." In "Lassie, Old Yeller, and the Myth of the Loyal Pet," I argue against the concept of pet-owner paternalism and argue that pets have constantly resisted their captivity. The fifth section, "Flush Me Now, Fear Me Later," looks at the great experiment of pet alligators and the terror they unleashed after being flushed into the sewers of major American cities, fueling the urban riots of the 1960s. Next, in "It's Raining Cats and Dogs," I look at the growth of pets and the baby boom/post-World War II consumerism and population growth. In my final chapter, "The Pet Rock: what kind of postmodern bullshit is this?" I ask the question, "What the fuck is up with the pet rock?" In my conclusion, I recap everything that I already said, but I punctuate every sentence with a paw print."



Possibly the best idea for a research paper ...ever.