3:10 to Cloverfield

What is it with American movies (and remakes of American movies from the 50s) that lately they insist on killing the main character(s) at the end? In the case of the Bale-ful (get it, because of Christian Bale? No? Fuck you.) remake of 3:10 to Yuma, the plot doesn't really allow for the good guy to die at the end--when he does, the film becomes a long shaggy dog story because everything you've just seen is deprived of meaning. But, it's totally, like, deep and stuff, man. Now please buy American movies, French people and critics! We've gotten rid of the happy endings you hate so much! Now, everybody dies!

Cloverfield, which could have been a solid monster movie, came to the same conclusion and really just completely pissed me off. What is this, When the Wind Blows?! Bunch of jerkoffs. I guess, since it had nothing to do with the movie, the writers got together and said, "what should we do with the main characters at the end? I mean, the monster is immortal, so humankind is fucked, but what about the two people the movie follows the entire time?" And then one of them said, "I have it! Let's kill them off in a really gay and sudden way, so that teenagers will all leave the theater like, 'whoa, dude. That was saaaaad.' and then they'll think the film is way better than it is because it doesn't have a happy ending!" And then they all got baked and went off to cash their giant paychecks.

You heard it here first: in every movie made in America, until further notice, the main character will die at the end. Don't try to read anything into that, it's just that directors and writers don't know what else to do to make people take them seriously.