Gaybraham Lincoln

Reports are that the $5 bill will soon have nifty purple and grey accents. To die for!

Why? It would seem that counterfeiters--who cost "us" a whole $62 million last year (which could have paid for one coffee break in Iraq)--bleach $5 bills and print fake $100 bills on the paper because the security strip is in the same place on both bills. Those goddamn criminals and their eyes, that they use, to notice the obvious, which in this case is a major fuckup by the government! Damn the criminals!! Who could have foreseen this problem?!

So we get some gay makeover money that looks like it came off the floor of a Brazilian disco. Super.

Frankly, does anybody care what the bills really look like, as long as they have value? You may have noticed that ATMs don't give out $5 bills much anymore. What does that tell you?