Parable

One month ago, my neighbor came over and told me that he wanted to burn down the house of the guy who lived on the other side of his lot. My neighbor, Dave, said that the other guy, Pete, had been planning to steal his lawn tractor. I said that I didn't know anything about that, but then Dave got mad and accused me of covering up for Pete. Then, he said that he had been "sanctioning" Pete for a few weeks by not talking to him, but that Pete showed no signs of giving up on his plan to steal Dave's lawn tractor. Dave asked me to help him burn down Pete's house.

I said no. That would be criminal, and such action would be based on unfounded suspicion. The whole thing sounded made-up, like a figment of Dave's vengeful imagination (Pete had hit on Dave's wife a few years back at the neighborhood bar-b-q).

A few days later, I awoke in the pre-dawn hours to the sound of sirens. Pete's house was burning furiously, and within an hour it was no more. Amid the smoking ashes stood Dave, who yelled to anyone within earshot that he had done it and that Pete deserved it. Moreover, Dave told everyone present that he had actually done it to protect everyone's lawn tractors, since Pete wouldn't stop after stealing Dave's tractor but would have gone on to take every tractor in the neighborhood and had, in fact, stolen his own lawn tractor from his own family--his wife's brother, to be exact. But, amid the smoldering ruin, there was no tractor to be found, nor even the accoutrements of lawn tractor ownership: no gas can, no leaf bag; nothing. Later on, Dave claimed that he had done it not because of lawn tractors--since none had been found--but because Pete needed a new home and could not get one until the old one was demolished. I thought this was ludicrous and, frankly, so obvious a lie as to be beneath contempt, but Dave persisted and managed to convince the neighborhood association that he had acted out of charity and benevolence in destroying Pete's home.

The story gets more bizarre. Two weeks ago, Dave showed up at my house again. He said that he had been ordered by the court to rebuild Pete's house. Dave said he was really sorry and that he would do everything to put the house back together--not as Pete had it, but as Dave would like it, since "everybody knows that Pete is a goddamn asshole and his old house sucked. No one should have to live like that." Dave's plan was to build a five-story apartment building on the site, even though Pete and his wife live alone, with no kids. The whole building seemed to suit Dave's large family better than Pete's small one. I guess Dave thought he was being generous.

Anyway, Dave asked for my help to rebuild the house. I reminded him that I didn't think he should have burned it down in the first place, but he paid me no mind. In fact, Dave insisted that I help him, and that I pay for the whole thing. He said that, even though Pete didn't want him to build him an apartment building, this was the best structure for the site and would, in the long run, yield the most profit. "The most profit for whom?" I asked, but Dave again paid me no mind. "They all think alike," Dave said. "Just like you and me--right, buddy? I mean, who wouldn't want to live in an apartment building instead of a single-family home? That's the American way!"

I told Dave that his plan was fallacious, and that every American had a different concept of the American Dream, but he would have none of it. In the end, he built the huge building on Pete's lot. Pete and his wife couldn't use it, so they moved away. I wound up paying for most of the construction, and am still paying on the debt today. And Dave? He bought the building at auction and is making a fine living renting the apartments to college students.


*What do you think? Too subtle?