Avian Jihad

All this time, we've missed the real front for the War on Terrorism. It's not the A-rabs, it's the birds.

Alex, the African Grey, has accidentally learned the concept of zero - a high level mathematical concept that even humans have difficulty grasping. Now, if you want to find a real hardline atheist, find a mathematician. And then, those godless Western philosophers so often appeal to maths to support their virulent, anti-theist arguments. America being God's Pre-Ordained City on a Hill, founded on those holy Biblical principles of Patriarchy and Slavery, atheists are therefore un-American, as the Bushes have told us repeatedly.

And then, just as godless homos spread AIDS, so do birds spread Chlamydia. STD's are God's punishment for sexual immorality, and these birds must be stopped.

Further, birds are attacking planes at airports, and why the hell is the Homeland Security dept. not recognizing this threat? They've killed 200 people since 1998.

And just as the Muslim terrists have sympathizers in academe (Churchill, Chomsky, et al), so do birds have co-conspirators - bird watchers. Fortunately, our Dept. of Homeland Stupidity has jumped on these insurgents. They slink around military bases and bridges with nefarious weapons of mass destruction, like binoculars and cameras. You know damned well that the best weapon to destroy a nation with nuclear weapons is a 35mm Nikon.

Why do birds hate 'merica?