Fuck You, Amtrak

In 1999, or so, a friend and I took Amtrak from Durham, NC, to Charlotte--a trip scheduled for 4 hours (it takes 3 by car). 7.5 hours later, we arrived safe, sound, and pissy. The return trip was canceled on account of the train breaking down in the station. We got vouchers for any trip in the next 12 months, but I guess neither of us had an extra 7.5 hours to donate to Amtrak that year, because the vouchers went unredeemed.

That story comes to mind because last weekend, some of us embarked upon a jaunt to St. Louis, a 5-hour car trip but--according to Amtrak, which I have not used since that fateful booking almost 10 years ago--only 5.5 hours by train.

You read the title of this post, so you know how this ends. But there we were, blissfully tooling along through Illinois, taking in the splendors of Joliet in our astonishingly uncomfortable seats. We looked online before scheduling this trip and not only were we deceived into thinking that our coach seats had footrests, but we also did not understand that the car would be full of assholes talking too loud and creating a general nuisance. Unlike airplanes, which are very loud and so drown out the mouthy assholes, trains are fairly quiet and apparently stimulate assholes to talk ever more inanely and at top volume.

But back to our story. After leaving Joliet and getting up to full speed, something happened. Nobody could quite say what it was, but everyone's head went up at the same time and all had a feeling that something wasn't right. Eventually (about 30 minutes later--Amtrak service, ladies and gentlemen!), we found out that the train had hit a car. This, naturally, isn't the train's fault. But it took almost 3 hours to get moving again, meaning that we arrived in St. Louis somewhat later than expected.

Returning to Chicago was only slightly less of an ordeal. We didn't hit anything, but somehow we still fell almost 1.5 hours behind schedule. Which begs the question: is any Amtrak train, anywhere, ever on time?!? Really, do you know? Tell me. I'm perplexed.

Oh, and they offered us vouchers, good for the next 12 months. Just as 10 years ago, however, I still don't have an extra 7-8 hours I want to donate to assholes on rails.

Fuck you, Amtrak.