My best lazy FJM impression

Jon Heyman, SI columnist, is really confused. He makes one good point in his report card segment on the Los Angeles Dodgers:

"For the price of Gil Meche, they signed Jason Schmidt and Randy Wolf, enabling them to construct a deep rotation to go along with an almost-as-deep bullpen and their long litany of talented youngsters."

And then he does this:

"Luis Gonzalez and Juan Pierre are a fair trade for Kenny Lofton and J.D. Drew at almost exactly the same price ($70 million plus, counting Drew's new contract, not his old one)."

A ha ha ha. Ha. Hmm.

I could prove this with numbers, but let me just be the fourth or fifth person to write this: Kenny Lofton is so much better than Juan Pierre it is not even worth looking it up. It is so clearly not even a comparison that I am embarrassed for you that you wrote that sentence.

And, just for good measure, allow me to point out that one of Heyman's SI colleagues wrote a column earlier this winter in which he suggested that the Red Sox would be just fine if they let Manny Ramirez go. The reason? Because they were going to get JD Drew from the Dodgers!

Now, that IS a little crazy. JD Drew is in no way Manny Ramirez-like. But, he is a Porsche and Manny is a fucking Lear Jet. And Lofton is a BMW roadster to Juan Pierre's Chevy Malibu.

Jon Heyman, close it out for us:

"Grade: A-."