Is Wayne Gretzky the Jordan of Hockey?

Let's get two things straight: Michael Jordan is the greatest player to ever step onto a basketball court, better than Chamberlain, better than Russell, better than Magic and Larry put together.
And he absolutely killed the NBA.

Once he retired, it was so what? and who cares? with the NBA. They're still trying to recover, and doing a mighty poor job of it, too. Every strategy for reviving that dog revolves around Jordan, still: who's next? how should they act? what do they do like Jordan? etc., etc., etc.

Today, come to find out the NHL is planning a return to the days of Gretzky and...shit, I guess Gretzky was the only talented player of his day. The league wants to change the rules to up the scoring and speed up the skating. Goalies don't come out anymore; red line gone; no-touch icing; tag-up offsides; smaller pads; smaller neutral zone; no more trapping. Essentially, they want to make it soccer on ice, where some moron sprints down to the other end, tries to beat four defenders by himself, and takes some crazy-ass shot before being taken down. Oh, good idea, guys. Really fucking smart. I've seen minor league hockey (where, incidentally, all the aforementioned rules are currently in place) and it's not very fucking good.
And the shootout, who could forget that? What, my dear, feeble American friends, is wrong with a tie?? Football has 'em. Hockey has 'em because if you don't win in regulation or overtime, you should have to go home and think about what you've done, you damn semi-loser! And, everybody gets a point--talk about insult to injury. It's a great system, and it works real well until Johhny Fat-ass and his fat-ass family show up at the rink in their matching Dockers Fat-ass Khakis and XXXL fat-ass T-shirts and demand that there be a winner. Why? Because Johnny Fat-ass, who is, of course, American, loves baseball and basketball, and any other goddamn sport where you pay $300 for a family night out, and he wants to see a clear resolution. Just like he wants to see a clear "resolution" in US foreign policy, in mainstream movies, and in his religion and philosophy (God did it all in 7 days? OK, padre, whatever you say!).

Fuck him. His kind is what made us #3.

As for the defensive changes: God fucking forbid that a small, low payroll team should be allowed to compete. Get rid of the trap and the left-wing lock, and you can kiss Carolina, Minnesota, and Dallas goodbye (which is not all that tragic--see previous posts on this topic). Nobody is going to pay to see the Hurricanes get beat by 5 goals.

Look, Gretzky came along at a time when hockey was in transition, and he was one-of-a-kind. There was never anyone like him before and, it turns out, there won't be another after him. He embarrassed those old hackers because, unlike them, he had talent. Nowadays, everyone in the NHL is top-notch. There is no real talent disparity except that created by offensive- versus defensive-minded coaches. Certain teams are built for certain things. Why would you want to fuck with that? Gretzky did what he did in a certain historical context, and trying to recreate that moment through endless butchering of the traditions of the game won't make it a better game; it'll just maim it. I suppose we can look forward to a future for hockey where everything is about the breakaway. Maybe one day we'll get a game that's just one skater against both goalies, an endless shift of nothing but odd-man rushes. Boy, won't that be exciting.

It's all about the homerun, kids. That's all Johnny Fat-ass wants to pay for. Now go work hard to make yourself a one-dimensional player.